I hate neighborhood sites like Nextdoor. I have the app, of course, but I rarely open it unless something really important pops up like there is a coyote spotted in the area or questions about whether anyone else heard a big boom at 3:41 a.m. I picture these people in chairs next the window with the shades drawn peeking out, ready to alert their neighbors that there is a suspicious looking car driving down the street.
The concept of neighborhood sites was well meaning. We should get to know the people who live in our communities....that is, until we get to know the people in our communities.
It is the 4th of July and my town has an annual 4th of July parade. Thousands of people attend this parade because you can't get enough fliers for house painting, window washing, and city council candidates unless you attend. And to be sure you get a prime spot to sit in the hot sun and watch the parade, you need to put out your camp chairs the night before. But the city posts signs that says you are not allowed to put your chairs out until after 6 p.m. on July 3 or the Public Works department will confiscate them.
Like clockwork, however, people start putting their chairs out at 3 p.m. and sit in them like they are staking out a rock concert until 6 p.m. And I've never seen a public works employee. Some people have been putting chairs out for years and have legacy spots that they consider theirs. I'm surprised there aren't more fights breaking out over chairs.
I took our chairs downtown around 5:40 p.m. and the only way I found a spot for them was this mother took pity on me because I look ancient and I was looking overwhelmed as to where I could set up the three chairs I was carrying. She had put up a line of chairs and a towel on one end taking up what I thought was too much space. She looked at me and said, "We don't really need this space" and pulled up the towel. I thanked her profusely though I wanted to say, "Then why did you put the towel down there?" But I was just happy to put the chairs out and sit there until it was 6 p.m. and the chairs would be sanctioned. Though still, there was no way in hell the Public Works employees were going to give a shit about chairs.
But this morning on Nextdoor some Wendy Whiner started bitching about people ignoring the signs that said no chairs before 6 p.m. TThey said they left at 5:10 p.m. to put up their chairs and most of the spots were gone (apparently they didn't have their pitiful old man act down like me). The irony was that they were obviously trying to get chairs out before 6 p.m. and were pissed that others beat them to it.
I thought about commenting something about it but I started reading the comments and it reminded me why I hate Nextdoor and similar sites so much. Several people pointed out the hypocrisy and several pointed out that, with our country crumbling around us, worrying about ignoring signs about chairs for a 4th of July parade was pretty petty. Some pointed out that Trump would have put chairs out, too.
I believe he would.
These types of comments sparked the counter comments and assholes squared off about scofflaws and the importance of obeying or not obeying the rules.
I chose not to join the fray. I think my good neighbors on Nextdoor are pretty much full of shit anyway. And I wasn't really primed to go to the parade and celebrate pretty much the lie that America has become. But I went and watched wave after wave of church groups with banners about how Jesus Loves Us, and one Catholic Church that had a Pope Mobile float go by and hand out stickers. I even snagged some candy that was intended for kids watching the parade, but with my long white beard, I pretty much come across as senile and sometimes people just give me candy and stickers.
I do think that they should have had one of the Jesus church groups just before the end of the parade and had banners that read, "The End is Near."
Can I hear an, "Amen?"
