My last night in Atlanta I glanced in this mirror outside the elevators as you turned to go into the circular hallway. There was this funky wall sconce on the opposite wall that sent out this lines of light like a laser. Having just returned from dinner at the Hard Rock and infused with the uplifting light of the King's stain glass image, I decided to snap this self portrait with my digital camera. Of course, it's altered a bit with the help of software and a few accidental clicks of the mouse. I kind of like the results. Has that Erasurehead look I always try to achieve.
But it reminds me of standing on tiptoe as a kid trying to see my reflection in the toaster that sat on the kitchen counter. And when I could finally catch a glimpse of my own reflection in the mirror, I always felt a bit shocked. Because the face in the toaster was never the face I saw inside. As a boy, inside I always pictured my mature face and wondered who this boy was.
Now, as I age and look in the mirror, I still feel a bit shocked. Because now the face I see in the mirror is still not the face I see inside. Now as the lines on my face increase and my skin sags, I feel the younger face inside wondering who this stranger is staring back at me.
Reminds me of the koan: Show me the face you had before you were born.
Mirrors are odd that way.
Mirrors, I'm coming to terms with. It's photos that I have issues about. They strip the spark of life, that animates my face, and makes me look...different, worse. Like, I think my good looks come from my anima, less my physical features, so seeing me captured on film, especially (urgh) posed pics, is a total shock.
I couldn't agree more about photographs. That's why I like Photoshop so much :)
I think if they could develop a camera that actually captures the three-dimensional it would be more acceptable to me. My problem is that one nano-second that someone snaps a photo seems to freeze me for eternity in the most unflattering, rob-me-of-my-soul, pose that exposes enough double chins to frighten Jabba the Hut.
The chins! Oh the chins...yes. I don't see them much in the mirror, but pictures! It's like WTF, where did all THAT come from!? Yeah, I really should get Photoshop, I bet I would have fun mutilating my pictures with it.
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