Me, myself and eye

Everything I've been listening to philosopher Alan Watts say about reality and enlightenment pretty much nixes a sense of self and individual existence. This adds to my confusion about figuring out who I am and puts a dead end sign on my road to self discovery.

I don't pretend to totally understand what Watts is explaining. He tends to use a lot of Greek and other ancient language words that he spells out in his lectures (as if spelling them will make them any more comprehensible). I tend to listen to Watts lectures during my morning commute on the train. And I am usually half asleep while I listen to them.

Not that being fully awake would matter (in a literal, not a spiritual sense). Most of what I glean from Watts' explanations is that most of us mistakenly assume we are separate from the world around us. Watts conjectures that we are all connected to everything. So there isn't any "you" or "I."

That is the hardest part for "me" to accept. Because I have struggled my entire life with feeling pretty much alone trying to figure out what I am doing here.

I can't say that what Watts is saying is new to me. I have been fascinated for years with the concept that time isn't really linear. Our mistake is connecting a non-existent past with a non-existent future. In doing so, we ignore the infinite now. But it is hard to comprehend an infinite now because it seems impossible to pinpoint when now is. Because the moment you utter the words now, it has slipped into a seemingly non-existent past to make room for the new now.

I'll catch that tail some day.


It is also hard to reconcile philosophy with what seems to be the day to day reality. Are we talking theories or realities? Is it all just a grand illusion that our eyes feed to our brains as reality? But why?

I get the sense from Alan Watts that there isn't really a reason. We are all part of the same organism or wavelength or quantum equation. We simply are. There is no grand scheme or creator. We aren't born into the world. We are of the world. Or are we the world (so maybe that old Coke ad with all of these people lined up singing, "We are the world, we are the children" was right).

What amazes me is how some people, particularly religious people, can be so certain they are right. But Watts would only say that it is only because there are people that are so sure there is a god that there can be people who can be so sure there is not. It is the dynamic of life that opposites keep everything spinning in motion.

Having lived more than sixty years, I have realized that things don't really change much. I've never seen a politician that actually does what they promise to do. The environment is always on the edge of disaster. Nothing is ever really fair. And the phrase, "you'll understand when you get older" isn't true. Do you ever really understand anything?

I miss the days when there was a group of people who regularly read my blog and commented. There were some fun debates and interesting conversations. I really felt connected to the world then. Now I just feel like I'm just blogging to myself.