Blogging is a bizarre pasttime. To date I've created about 165 posts ranging from short stories, rants, photography, philosophy and firsthand commentary on the drama of my middle aged life. And while I've tried to remain true to myself and post things I want without trying to cater to an audience (real or imagined), I am human. I have to admit there is a certain euphoria inherent in having people actually read what you've written and tell you they like it. And so consciously or subconsciously I catch myself wanting to slap up stuff that I think will get me positive reinforcement.
And then I feel so dirty. Because if I go down that path, I'm not creating, I'm pandering. So then I might as well be doing this as part of my job.
It's not that I ever really envisioned myself being a commercial success. Oh, I'd sell the movie rights to my work in a second if someone offered me a lucrative deal that involved vulgar amounts of cash and an opportunity to moon my employers. I'm not stupid, after all and everyone has a price.
I just want you all to know that I do read other people's blogs, so I'm not as self-absorbed as I may seem. I find it awkward, though to comment much on other people's blogs. Because commentors seem to fall into one of these categories: gushers (people who heap praises on every entry even it is a steaming pile of wombat's crap), whack jobs (anonymous commentors who spew random steaming piles of wombat crap), lonely hearts (people too cheap to pay for Internet dating sites and think a blog is an invitation to mate), stalkers (they often begin as gushers or lonely hearts and become progressively more scary), read me's (people who comment on your blog only to get you to read their blogs) and the chosen few ( genuinely interesting people who appreciate intelligent interaction).
There is just something daunting about wading through a list of comments made by gushers and lonely hearts on a blog and then trying to think of a comment that doesn't make you sound like one of them. So often, I become what is known on the Web as a lurker. A lurker is someone who frequents a blog, news group or chat room and just reads what other people say.
Since my own blog posts don't attract very many comments except from my own chosen few (thanks Lights, Shandi and R), I can only hope that I have hundreds of lurkers reading my stuff on a regular basis and keeping their thoughts to themselves. Or they are afraid I am a whack job and don't want to comment for fear of turning me into a stalker (because god knows I will find you).
But, if you read my blog on a regular basis and don't comment, I want you to know I appreciate you anyway.
Okay, I'm glad I got that off my chest.