Squirrels and hugs

 

Today is Squirrel Appreciation Day (which has me feeling pretty squirrelly).  So I dug out several of my squirrelly designs. It is also National Hugging Day, so I'll start by saying you should not try to hug a squirrel.

Keep in mind that squirrels are very playful but are not very good at bluffing and they aren't very good losers when they play poker.  So use caution if you play cards with them.

And be patient if you are flying First or Business class with squirrels and watch your nuts carefully. Because they are real nut jobs.

And finally, if you are thinking of hugging anyone or anything for National Hugging Day, ask permission first.

Not everyone likes to be hugged. Me for example, and there will be consequences.

Buy, buy America!

 

The Trump has been inaugurated. It is truly a sad day for our country. I hate that his narcissistic ego has been gorging on the attention. The best thing we could do is ignore the asshole. But he is like a spoiled child doing outrageous things to keep the attention on him.

In addition to the Orange Menace being inaugurated, it is National Cheese Lover's Day.

Cheesy joke, I know. I hope it doesn't grate on your nerves.

Imagine Trump is just a bad dream

 

Today is National Imagination Day. Thus the invisible pink unicorn and my dream that Trump being inaugurated tomorrow is just a bad dream.

But he saved Tik Tok! Lying sack of crap. He was the one who urged that Tik Tok be banned in the first place. It's just propaganda that the asshole really had anything to do with Tik Tok turning on the spigot again for the millions who don't have anything better to do that make or watch Tik Tok videos. 

I only watch it on my commute or when I'm working out. And I discovered YouTube shorts which are just about the same thing anyway. So I could have been fine if Tik Tok went away.

Still I can't believe the Orange Menace is being signed in as president tomorrow on Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  Once again it is all proof that there is no god.

Funny business

 

I am still working my way through the 1500 designs that had been loaded onto Teepublic before they cancelled my account and forced me to reload the designs on Zazzle.  I have worked my way alphabetically through the "O's."  That's where "Our Business is Funny Business" came from. It actually dates back more than 30 years when I worked on Third Avenue in downtown Seattle. A few blocks away was this weird little shop that sold practical jokes and tricks. It was their motto, "Our Business is Funny Business." I went in there a couple of times before they went out of business because the block was being torn down to build a high rise.  I always remember the marquee with the "Our Business is Funny Business" outside the abandoned building before the wrecking ball took it down. 

It was the inspiration for this t-shirt design that no one will buy because no one knows what it means but me.

It's my own private joke.

I yam what I yam

 

Okay, it's Popeye the Sailor Man Day and I'm posting this image for obvious reasons. I can't sell you a t-shirt with the design because this technically is a violation of the Popeye copyright or trademark even though it isn't a sailor. In fact it is a starchy tuber with one eye and a lecherous grin. I imagine he has his starchy tuber eye on Olive Oyl.  Apparently he is unaware that she and Popeye are in a semi-committed relationship though Bluto is after her too.

When you think of it, Popeye isn't a very politically correct name because it makes fun of his physical appearance (which could be a physical deformity, too). And don't get me started about Wimpy, the mooch that is always trying to scam hamburgers out of people. 

Personally I think my starchy tuber version is a healthier role model than the archaic characters from the original Popeye.  He could really give Mr. Potato Head a run for his money.

Keep your eye on the doughnut

 

"Keep your eye on the doughnut and not the hole."

--David Lynch

I was sad to see that David Lynch died today. I always admired his quirkiness and loved his films (even if I didn't always understand them). I remember going to see "Blue Velvet" at the theater and being the only one in the audience laughing.  And I really loved the 1984 version of "Dune" that he directed. I had read all of the books and was blown away by the spectacle of it all. 

For some reason I never got into "Twin Peaks" when it was originally released. I do remember being at parties where some people had to go off into another room and watch it because they didn't want to miss an episode. 

I did like "The Elephant Man." 

I have to confess that half the time I didn't know they were David Lynch films. But I got so I could recognize the style and "weirder than shit" aspect of his stuff. It's like I can recognize a Tim Burton or Quentin Tarantino film. But I think Lynch was a genius compared to them both. Especially Tarantino. I like his films, but he just seems like an asshole.

Not that any of them care what an over the hill blogger and t-shirt designer thinks.  And I suppose Lynch is beyond caring at this point.

Here's to you Mr. Lynch!

Hats off...

 

It's National Hat Day. So I tip my hat to it with a couple of hat designs.

The inspiration for these are the people who used to walk up and down the beaches in Mexico selling stuff ad nauseum while you lay their on your beach towels with tequila and cerveza hangovers. The hat vendors were always my favorite because they would wear multiple hats on their heads like this. 

My hat goes off to them.

Dunce again!

 

After five years working remotely, I have returned to the office three times a week. Good soldiers do what they are told.

I used to think the phrase was "Once more into the breech." But then again, I also confused it with the Charge of the Light Brigade when it is actually from Shakespeare's Henry V.  "Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; Or close the wall up with our English dead!"

Cheery thought. 

But back to my return to the workplace. It's okay I suppose. I keep reminding myself that I worked almost 50 years going into the workplace before the pandemic and we were forced to be at home. I was 16 when I got my first job. It was before personal computers and there was no other option than going into work.  Oh there was a brief period during the 1980s that I tried telecommuting a few days a week. But it was complicated and required having a Fax modem and proving to your boss that you weren't just staying home. I didn't really like it. I was still young and enjoyed the social life.

At my age there isn't much of a social life anyway. And as we know, I began turning invisible when I turned 40 and I am now practically non-existent. 

Duct, duct, goose

It's National Rubber Ducky Day.  So I took the high road and ignored it with this duct, duct, goose design. 

And this.

I don't suppose either means much to you.

 

Just clucking around

 

I branched out from t-shirts and offered this design as a pair of tube socks. It was a bold move on my part. Let's hope these socks don't suck. 

I also produced a pair with this design.

Whale. Oil. Beef. Hooked.

I'll milk this for all it's worth

 

It is National Milk Day. I acknowledge it because I can't bring myself to acknowledge National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day without throwing up a little in my mouth. Cows I can deal with.

Though not the smartest animals in the world, they are fairly innocuous. Though I did have one step on my bare foot when I was a kid and helping my friend (who lived on a farm) get the cows into pens to be milked. We were supposed to be going swimming in the creek next to his home and we couldn't until we got the cows milked. Thus I was barefoot and had a cow step on my foot. Fortunately there was a substantial amount of cow shit on the ground so my foot sank down into it when the cow stepped on it.

I do not hold a grudge. Though I will eat a hamburger now and then. 

Cry like an eagle

 

Today is Save the Eagles Day.  And I am assuming they are not talking about the "Hotel California" Eagles. I have a peaceful, easy feeling that they are talking about raptors (and not rappers). 

There I go slipping prayer into a post again.  My god.

City of Angels in flames

 

I am not a religious person. So by "pray for" the City of Angels I mean send everyone there positive thoughts. I do believe that we can influence our environments to a certain extent by the stuff we put out there. I did find it a weird juxtaposition with Los Angeles (the City of Angels) being on fire. It seems like a battle of heaven and hell.

I have always liked the L.A. area. It started when I was 16 and went there for the first time with my high school band to play at an L.A. Rams and S.F 49ers football game. It was the first time I'd been on an airplane. My first trip to Disneyland and the first time staying at a hotel without my family. It was memorable. 

Since there I have been to Disneyland more times than I care to say and I've gone to L.A. several times to produce television ads for my work. I've also been there for several conferences.  And I can tell you I always dug the vibe of the the area.  I even sort of like downtown L.A.  So I am sad that they are suffering from wildfires. 

I did create this t-shirt design, but I didn't promote it on Blue Sky. It seemed like it would be too much like I'm trying exploit the sorrows. Not everyone would realize that this is how I express myself and I would make maybe a dollar if I sold one of the designs. 

I did post this design for National Static Electricity Day.

And what does a Faraday Cage have to do with National Static Electricity Day, you ask? A Faraday Cage works by redistributing electric charge on its conductive surface. When a static electric field is applied to the cage, the charges in the cage material rearrange themselves to cancel the field's effects inside the enclosure. This is why sensitive electronic equipment can be protected from static electricity by being placed inside a Faraday Cage.

So there.  Not that anyone bought the damned shirt anyway. I seriously doubt that a majority of the people Blue Sky even know what a Faraday Cage is, let alone want a t-shirt about it.

But trust me, the right nerd audience would be snapping them up.

And I believe I was remiss yesterday by not acknowledging Elvis' 90th birthday.

I do believe that if he was alive today, he would be shooting holes in big screen televisions instead of these old tube things. 

He also wouldn't look like this anymore.  So I am grateful that Elvis didn't live to see 90 (or for us to see him at 90).

Thank you very much.

 

Toff we go, into the wild, blue blunder

 

It is National English Toffee Day. It is also National Bubble Bath Day. But bubble baths are right up there with Sea Monkeys to me in lies they told me as a child. As you know (and I mean my inner you that has read all of my posts), I bought Sea Monkeys as a boy, naively believing the ads that they were these amazing pets that you could train and hold circuses with. And of course Sea Monkeys are actually brine shrimp and don't really do anything. 

I watched commercials for Mr. Bubble bubble bath around the same time and believed that you could take a bubble bath that actually had bubbles that would surround you and last for hours. 

Of course, I discovered that Mr. Bubble was basically just soap that lathered up for a few minutes but then washed away and made you itchy. But I wanted to believe the lies ad agencies were selling.

But I digress.

Anyway, I didn't want to create a design for Bubble Bath Day so I went with National English Toffee Day. I like toffee.

My first attempt, however, was a bit disturbing.

ChatGPT couldn't explain to me why the Toff was missing a foot. But it did spit out the version I led with in this post. I didn't question why that toff was wearing short pants. At least it did have two feet.

I do believe I Toff protest too much.

Bring me a bauble for my head

 

It's National Bobblehead Day! And I don't think this is what they had in mind. But did you know that the term "bauble" used to refer to the staff a court jester carried that was often adorned with a small carved head or figurine. 

I kept asking Gemini and ChatGPT to give me an image for a "baublehead" and they kept showing me images of figures with a Christmas ornament on it because they are supposedly called baubles, too. 

Who would have thought? 

I jest you not.

Human Beans

 

It is National Bean Day! So I am posting this classy t-shirt design.  It is a fart, fart better thing I do now then I have ever done before. Play your cards right and you could be a King.

Or at least in line to be royalty.

Or at least understand the science. It's elementary.

I'm not pointing any fingers though. 

Something to crow about

 

It is National Bird Day today. I did not know this when I was out raking leaves this afternoon. And before you are impressed with my enterprise, I was only raking leaves to fill up the yard waste bin because the garbage people pick it up tomorrow and I want to get my money's worth by having them take a full yard waste bin (even though it is mainly filled with Little Caesar's pizza boxes). And no, I don't eat Little Caesar's pizza. My son does. It is the only type of pizza he eats and it has to be their traditional pepperoni. 

But I digress. 

I was out raking very wet leaves and dumping them in the yard waste bin over the pizza boxes and I noticed there were tons of crows circling around in a very agitated manner and being very vocal in the way crows do. I assume a Stellar Jay was messing with one of them and they called in reinforcements. I don't think they were gathering because it is National Bird Day. I don't think crows think of themselves as birds.  I did think about a gathering of crows is called a murder of crows. ChatGPT tells me it is because crows are associated with death and bad omens in folklore.  

I hope that is not why they were swarming the trees around my neighborhood. Perhaps it is because it is also National Whipped Cream Day. 

I doubt it though.

Fear and loathing

 

As I slowly go through my archived designs for t-shirts that were on Teepublic before they cancelled my account for violating their "terms and conditions" I am beginning to get a glimmering of why, perhaps (and I do mean perhaps) some of my designs may have been problematic from a copyright standpoint. Since I don't want Zazzle to cancel my account, I have been very conservative about what I post. I ask ChatGPT about anything I think may be questionable and it has been brutally honest. Some of my best puns and play on words are potentially in violation of copyright or intellectual property regulations.  The Fear and Loathing in Boise image above for example. So none of those will now be sported by people on t-shirts purchased from me.

And this one didn't make the cut either:

This makes me sad, but I have plenty of Mothman designs that did make it including this one:

Personally, I would rather see Mothman as Don Quixote than nude on a beach.  But Zazzle is fine with a naked Mothmand (as long as I designate it PG-13).  But Mothman dressed in Spanish armor doesn't cut it.

Isn't it ironic, don't you think? 

That, ironically, wouldn't make it through the copyright lens either.

Extra, extra stupid headlines...read all about it

 

Yes, this was a stupid headline, but no, it wasn't the stupid headline I was talking about.  First I want to rant about Apple news and the cheap click bait tactics they use to try and make you subscribe to Apple news so you can waste time reading articles that are a waste of time because they don't deliver what they promise (like what's it like to only retire with $2 million).  Just about everything you click on says you can't read it unless you subscribe to Apple News. So I am pretty much convinced I will never subscribe to Apple News and I will never know why so many Millennials are not having anything to do with their parents.

But for some reason, every now and then, you click on a stupid headline and they let you read the article. Like today I read an article about a construction project at a college campus in Tennessee where they uncovered a former trench dug in the Civil War and found...get this...bottles and trash left by Civil War soldiers. And the major find was a mini ball that the article explains is the type of bullet that was used during the Civil War. And I am talking about a single friggin' mini ball. The line though that put me over the edge in the article was that the archeology students digging at the site found evidence that the soldiers had built a fire and they conjectured that they built a fire to get warm.

I'm not making this up.

Then I clicked on a headline that read "Tiny ape like humanoid may still be living in plain sight, scientist says." This is one, singular scientist that thinks Homo floresiensis, an extinct species of small archaic humas that lived on the island of Flores, Indonesia, about 50,000 years ago may still be on the island. These creatures have been nicknamed "hobbits" because they were short and had small brains (sorry Bilbo Baggins). They were about 3.5 feet tall and weighed about 55 pounds. And even though they had brains about a third of the size of the average modern human brain, they could use tools (I think some of these worked on the remodeling project we finally wrapped up a few months ago). The thing is, the one scientist who is retired and I can't recall his name, thinks they may still be hanging out on the island without anyone noticing them the same way Bigfoot hangs out in the forests of Washington. Here's my theory of why the scientist thinks they may still exist:

I think Danny DeVito was vacationing in Indonesia. I hear he may have built a fire in a cave, too. And it was probably because he was cold.

My Journalism degree is finally paying off.

So far, 2025 is so...2024

 

Watch out Italy. Your Leaning Tower of Pisa is just an old building with a bad foundation. America the Great has towers of pancakes. Wouldn't it be cool if the IHOP designed one of their restaurants to look like this instead of a colorful Denny's?

Here it is the second day of 2025 and I'm spewing high end content like this out into the masses.  And I'm not being syruptitious about my leaning tower of pancakes, either.  It seems appropriate because this is National Buffet Day and you should be able to eat all of the pancakes you want. It's also National Cream Puff Day. So throw some cream puffs on that pancake stack. And that's not all! It's National Personal Trainer Awareness Day so you should be aware that there are people you can pay to help you lose those jelly rolls you gained after eating a stack of leaning pancakes topped with cream puffs. 

So far 2025 is just full of ironies. 

I will end this post by noting that I've branched out on Zazzle and in addition to t-shirts, tote bags, coffee cups and camera cases you can now buy one of my original beach towels.

Or you will be able to buy one once Zazzle has approved them.  If they don't I may just throw in the towel.

See what I mean by 2025 being just like 2024.

It's a new year, baby!

 

So far I think 2025 is looking pretty good if I do say so myself. This image reminds me of the good ol' days when I used to Photoshop my face onto a variety of things and gleefully reveled in the illusion that everyone marveled at how clever I was. In actuality no one cared to see my face Photoshopped on a variety of things (like the New Year Baby). 

I am very aware of that now and frankly I don't give a rat's ass any more.

This is how feel about hawking my designs on Blue Sky. You would think all of my years in marketing would help me get over the awkwardness of selling myself. Everyone else does. The only mail and texts I get are from businesses trying to sell me shit. So it seems only fair that I hop on the bandwagon.

No one is buying anything, but at least I'm proactively seeking rejection. My eBay store, on the other hand, is doing quite well. I've had a steady cadence of sales on almost a daily basis. Thing is, I'm selling crap I find in thrift stores that other people tossed. It does give me a bit of a rush when someone buys something though. I feel like I at least know what sells even if it isn't something I created.

On another New Year note, I took down the Elvis tree today. It always makes me sad to see the Elvis tree leave the building. And it is no small feat to pack it up, either. Almost every ornament has a box and it is a bit of a puzzle to get all of the ornaments back into the right box and then make them all fit in a huge plastic bin. And though I thought I was unique in my Elvis tree, I was listening to a holiday music station on Sirius radio a week or two ago and they had some guy talking about his tree with all Elvis ornaments and how he needed a tree topper and took off his blue suede shoes and stuck them on top of the tree.

Asshole.

But it's all put away now and Christmas is officially over and we shall not talk about it again until next year. 

Other than that, New Year's Day kind of sucks. Not much is open and I can't obsessively go to Goodwill and scour the knick knack section for buried treasure. BTW, The term "knick-knacks" originates from the 16th-century word "knack," which meant a small, ingenious object or trinket. Over time, the word evolved, with "knick-knack" being used to describe small, decorative items that are often collected or displayed, typically for their charm or sentimental value rather than for any practical use. I particularly like the "collected or displayed, typically for their charm or sentimental value rather than for any practical use" part. I hate practical.

Oh well, one day down and 364 more to go.