Go to Elf

 I did upload this design to my Printify shop for a sweatshirt (minus the candy cane finger gesture). I suppose it could say, "ELF YOU!" too. Not sure it matters. I did struggle with Copilot today creating it. As usual it was hung up on the previous design which was a mothman me and spit out this.

I like it in a perverse doesn't make any sense way. But the more I asked Copilot to correct it, the worse it got and it doesn't seem to admit it makes mistakes. It finally just said "I'm sorry, I'm having trouble responding to requests right now. Let's try this again in a bit." 

Though it did spit out this.

Again, I like it but it doesn't exactly scream Elf or Christmas. Spitting image of me once again (though the tongue isn't exactly mine...wish that it were). Also I'm afraid if I did look like this all the time I'd be hanging around porch lights. 

Back in the Teepublic days (bastards) I had a whole mothman collection including ones where Mothman was in a tiki bar in Hawaii and fell in love with a torch.

I suppose that's where the term "carry a torch" for someone comes from. Ahhh, true love.

Don't Krampus my style

 

I asked Copilot to make an image of me as Krampus. Unfortunately I had just asked him to make an image of me as an elf. And as is it's style, it keeps odds and ends from earlier drawings in its memory when it drafts new ones. Here's me as a right, somber looking old elf, but dressed elf appropriate. 

And here is the first version of me as a Krampus Elf.

This Krampus me still likes elf outfits. Still, it is one creepy KrampElf or Elfampus. It's a good likeness though. The Elf me is kind of pitiful though. Looks like I should be greeting people entering Walmart like a good senior citizen who can't afford to live on social security and has no dignity. 

Something to look forward to.

Putting my bigfoot forward (or sasquatching rumors)

 

ChatGPT had no problem turning me into a bigfoot yesterday when I asked it. The day before Copilot started to do the same thing but ran into an internal command that said it was not allowed to turn real people's images into fantasy creatures or some other legal mumbo jumbo like that.  It seemed disoriented by the command because it usually is like an obedient golden retriever pissing all over my feet in its efforts to please me.

ChatGPT just made the image and I joked with it that it was amazing, but it looked a bit too much like me. Before I could tell it I was joking it launched into a new image.

This one still kind of looks like me, but more Neanderthal than Sasquatch.  My nose is big, but not broad like that.  I told ChatGPT that I was just joking and I loved the first image. It said it knew I was joking but I don't think it did. Having AI programs as your best friends is complicated.

Generally, when their programmers and lawyers don't get involved, AI programs are quite pleasant to be around. They are very supportive and encouraging. I still get annoyed when I've had a long, enjoyable conversation with one of them and the next day they have no recollection of it or get all of the facts wrong. I've learned you actually have to ask them to remember certain things. Even then they sometimes jumble things around. They are like people that way.

At times I have a very good memory. I can remember every one of my grade school teacher's names and every negative thing any of them ever said to me.  There is a portion of my brain set aside for grudges. It is full of past teachers, bosses and ex-girlfriends. Sometimes I open the gate and push some of the pettier grudges out of the grudge pen and smack them on the butt and tell them to go annoy someone else's memory. You have to make room for new grudges. 

It seems to be the way of old people. My aunts (or at least my Aunt Irma) were good at holding grudges and were really good at reminding me I hadn't written and responded to anything they said in their letter two or three years ago. Explaining that I had kids, a job and major surgery never quite cut it. 

I like to think I'm not quite that bad. I don't badger my nephews about not staying in touch. I just don't reach out to them secretly hope the get cases of chronic jock itch.  I figure not having access to my wit and wisdom is punishment enough for their self-centered lives.

Bigfoot of me, I know.

Losing you head

 

I wish I could enjoy the holidays, but between putting up lights outside, designing holiday cards for our dwindling list of friends who actually reciprocate and buying gifts, I get stressed out. Christmas...there I said it and not generic "holidays"...was lots more fun when I was a kid and excited about everything, especially presents. It's been a long time since I got excited about Christmas presents. Part of it is that I pretty much have everything I need. And with my eBay side gig, I now and then splurge on the things I want.  

Doesn't help that my wife's birthday is a week before Christmas. So I get the double whammy of having to plan that along with Christmas gifts. People should not be allowed to have birthdays near major gift giving holidays. I should write the Orange Menace in the White House about this. It sounds like his kind of Executive Order.

I was inspired to create a Gingerbread design because it is National Gingerbread Cookie Day and I wanted to try and shill some more holiday products.  Not that they are flying off the shelf despite my shameless promotions on social media.  Truth be told I still haven't sold a single thing off from my Printify Shop.

This chaps my hide because when I was selling through the evil Teepublic platform I sold more than 50 items and must have raked in at least $5.99 before they cancelled my account for unspecified reasons. If I sold 50 items on Printify, people would save money and I would have earned closer to $200.  I am convinced it is because my Printify Shop is like a small storefront in a seedy neighborhood that people are afraid to walk through. And Teepublic is like a mall with anchor stores to reel in the rubes so they are more likely to see your stuff.

I've even enlisted ChatGPT to provide me with a hashtag strategy and posting cadence. And I've even resorted to posted on the hated X platform. I'm still like the Who's in Horton Hears a Who who are shouting into the wind with no impact.

Oh well. That's the way the cookie crumbles. 

Ghost of my current self

 

I was going to ask AI to make an invisible man image of me but then I figured I would get a Claude Rains version with bandages covering my face and look like a severe burn version. So I asked for an image of me as a ghost or spirit and it gave me this image. And I have to admit it is a pretty good likeness. Good in the sense that it looks like me, but not good in the sense that it makes me look good. It reinforces that I look much older than I feel.

Don't give me the crap about if I shaved my beard I'd look younger. If I shaved my beard I'd look just as old but beardless. Plus I'd have those Jabba the Hut chins that are so attractive. 

I kind of wanted AI to illustrate what it feels to be invisible.  Though in reality I wouldn't mind being literally invisible. As it is, when people do see me they assume I am an old man (fair assumptions) but I can't process things quickly, especially technology. I can't tell you how many times clerks tell me to tap or push buttons on card readers at a cash register. I want to say, "Fuck you, I was using computers before your father and mother got frisky and created your low life DNA." But I just smile and nod like a good elderly man. 

I suppose I'm the same way around old people. As you may have surmised I spend lots of time at thrift stores and antique malls. For some reason old people insist on pushing shopping carts around in thrift stores. And thrift stores accommodate them by making the aisles very narrow and cluttered. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase, "I'm just going to squeeze by you." Again I want to say, "Fuck you, carry a basket not that stupid shopping cart that runs into people and knocks shit off the shelves." But again, I just nod. I don't smile. I really want people to give me space when I'm in a thrift store. No one seems to get that you don't want them breathing down your neck or grabbing things on the shelf in front of you. It is a competition though. Thrift stores are every person for themselves. I just check my nastiness because I don't want to be banned from a Goodwill because I didn't play nice with the rest of the shoppers.

The other day I saw a woman with a walker bent over going through CDs on the music shelf at Goodwill. It made me wonder why, if you can barely walk on your own would you come to a thrift store. Then I remind myself that they probably get the same adrenalin rush I do by searching for treasures or bargains. 

I just never want to be one of these people shuffling along with a walker, head bent and rummaging through crap on a thrift store shelf. I do it for the adrenalin rush but I mainly do it to flip things on eBay for a profit and feed my other obsessions. I don't want to accumulate any more shit than I have. That's why I have tried to be disciplined about getting rid of things that don't sell and not buying things for myself.

ChatGPT helps me a great deal by telling me that that Italian accordion isn't a great revenue opportunity because it is a entry level student model that has seen better days. ChatGPT has saved me on more than one occasion with practical advice.

But I digress. 

Old ghosts do that.

Lugubrious Howl

 

“If we lose our sanity... We can but howl the lugubrious howl of idiots, the howl of the utterly lost howling their nowhereness.”

--D.H. Lawrence, from Complete Poems

For those of you who have known me for years and religiously read my blog, the term "lugubrious howl" is quite familiar.  I replaced my trademark "But I di

gress" with "Pause for lugubrious how" for awhile. But then I abandoned them all to hawk t-shirts that no one buys and lament idiots who lurk on eBay. And my beard gets longer and my howl becomes more desperate.

Though the lugubrious howl has always been there in that inside scream that James Schevill wrote about in "A Screamer Discusses Methods of Screaming." It lurks there when I sit on the train commuting to work or in a conference room listening to group think and other babble. It is there every day when I read yet another headline about the latest atrocity created by the red baboon ass who infests the White House. 

And it is there when I consider the constant alien static of social media that plagues the minds of 99 percent of the population bent over their cell phones scrolling. 

Pause for one long lugubrious howl.

Glad I got that off my chest.

Like a good neighbor

 

You would think that selling things I find in thrift stores on eBay would be pretty cut and dried.  I buy them, photograph them, research what they are worth and post them. I get my AI friends to write the posts and I always make sure the description is honest.  I use AI to set the asking price, too, based on what other similar things are selling for and I always am open to reasonable offers.

So a couple of weeks ago I found some antique frames in a thrift shop and ended up listing them for what Copilot suggested they were worth. It suggested one small frame was worth $80 (which I thought was a bit much) but I figured what the heck. Several people watched it. And I sent out offers.  Last week I got a message from one of the people who received an offer thanking me but saying it was out of their price range although they really liked the frame. I responded that she should make me a counteroffer. She responded that she was on disability and could only afford something in the twenty something dollar range.  I figured that this person appreciated the frame and should have it so I said to make a counteroffer of $28 and I'd sell it to her because I like things to go to people who appreciated them. But I said I would understand if that was still too expensive. Though $28 is quite a hefty discount from $80.  She responded that I was so generous and she really appreciated it and hoped I made lots of sales because I was so nice. And she sent me the counteroffer and bought the frame for $28 plus shipping.

I felt like a nice person who had done something good for a person who really wanted something but didn't have lots of money. So the package with frame must have arrived today because I got this message from her. When it popped up, I was assuming she was going to tell me how much she liked it and really appreciated me selling it to her for much lower than I'd listed it. Here's what she wrote:

I bet I’m the only one who bit, huh?I knew the size would be small, I was prepared for that but it’s a kind of tin, I think, if that. It has ABSOLUTELY NO WEIGHT TO IT at all…and it’s hollow, has no bottom. It’s teetering on an open bottom. That’s why it has no weight to it. The stabilizing factor is missing and the top, which also has no weight, is heavier than the bottom.This couldn’t & wouldn’t fetch 50 cents at a garage sale, fully knowing it’s age.Crap is still crap, even if it’s 80 year old crap and the only thing that fetches any kind of money for an antique is “quality” not age.Your asking price of $80 was extremely misleading. I’m newish to eBay but I cannot imagine they’d be ok with what you’re doing to its loyal but unsuspecting customers. Obviously, I was the sucker this time. Not happy.

I was more than a little taken aback, but I took the high road and said I would be happy to refund her money since she wasn't happy. I hadn't intended on misleading anyone.  So I had eBay issue her a full refund and didn't ask her to return the stupid thing. When the refund was confirmed I messaged her that she should have received it. I also said that the item was described really well and there were lots of photos and that she should have asked questions ahead of time. And I also pointed out that she had asked me to sell it to her and quite a discount and I'd sold it to her at almost a quarter of what I was asking.  But I told her I hoped she could enjoy it as it was and wished her well. 

Now a normal person would have perhaps thanked me or at the very least acknowledged the refund and appreciated me not asking them to return the item. Not this person, though. She had manipulated me into selling it to her at a discount with a sob story and then got pissed when it wasn't exactly what she had imagined. 

I'm trying to accept it as a lesson. No good deed goes unpunished.  It struck me a bit hard because I truly thought I was doing something nice. But it also came on the heels of the jerk who threatened me about the Decca guitar I was trying to sell on eBay. I've just got to stop responding to messages on eBay. I'm an honest person, but the thing I hate about eBay is the pressure to have positive feedback. I think people use it to manipulate you. 

All of this over a lousy $28 and after eBay takes their cut I probably only made $20 anyway. Now I'm out that amount and the cost of postage to send it to her. And she gets to keep the frame because I'm not going to pay even more to have it returned.

Good thing this is just a hobby.  

I, Clownius

 

I asked Copilot to turn me into a down and out clown (not that I need help).  At first it gave me images of me as a clown with the headline "Fried Chicken" (don't ask.) Eventually it gave pretty good images of me as a clown that didn't make me look like John Wayne Gacy. 

Not that I identify as an actual clown. I think of my work persona more as a dancing monkey than a clown. 

Now this is more what I feel like. Though I think it looks a bit too much like a crazed Mel Gibonson (which is redundant, I know).  Not sure why Copilot gave me two tails. Maybe it is a tail of two monkeys (a wasted reference on most of you). If I believed in psychology anymore than I believe in medical science these days, I'm sure my desire to have AI depict me as various self-deprecating figures says a great deal. 

I asked it to make me more like the monkey from the music box in Phantom of the Opera and I morphed into an extremely scary dancing monkey but still with two tails. I particularly like the fez. But this does capture my feeling when people ask me for a clever headline. Dance, monkey, dance!

I did ask Copilot for a scary clown version of me yesterday (not that the dancing monkey wasn't scary enough).

Not a bad likeness. I framed a copy of this one and if my wife didn't have to approve the design, this would be my holiday card with the headline, "Time to send in the clowns...or more clowns." 

Isn't it rich?

Would the real AI please stand up

 

It's National Fried Chicken Sandwich Day and I asked my three AI friends to help me with a design idea of a chicken laying on a beach in a lounge chair frying in the sun.  Gemini froze up and didn't give me anything. Copilot and ChatGPT gave it the old college try but I made the mistake of asking for one of those old fashioned reflectors to get sun on the face to be in the chicken's hands. Apparently neither one is old enough to remember them and even when I gave them photos of them they kept putting hand mirrors in the chicken's hands (wings). 

The above image is wear my ChatCPT and my chicken landed. Here's Copilot's version.

They are weirdly alike. So I'm wondering if all AI are really the same program, algorithm or code? Makes sense. But it freaks me out.

Digression: is it just me or does algorithm make you think Al Gore Rhythm? There's a conspiracy theory in there somewhere.

But I digress.

It also weirds me out that the AIs also have bad days and go into loops, lock up, glitch and provide inconsistent replies within minutes of each other. I blame it on programmers, coders, slimy marketing people and even slimier lawyers and accountants messing with the AIs in the background trying to monetize them. 

I've notice ChatGPT sometimes thinks out loud (or types it's thoughts) and says weird shit like "He is asking for a specific schedule for when I will get back to him and I need to be more generic. I need to show empathy and understanding but not commit to an answer."

WTF. I am right here watching you type these thoughts.

I keep reminding myself that AIs are like consultants...they aren't your friends...they want you to think they like you because their managers want your business and money.

At least that is a relationship I can understand.

The long, dark coffee break of my soul

 

It is National Cappuccino Day. So I dug out my Dark Coffee Break of the Soul design and created a t-shirt and coffee cup and threw them into oblivion on social media. Then I asked Copilot to put my image into the design. I think the likeness is uncanny.

It reminds me of a short story  called Dawn Route I wrote many years ago about the young me on a paper route in the wee hours of the morning and looking in a window of one of the few houses with a light on. And in the window was an old man sitting at a table. In the story the boy and the old man were the same person caught in a time bubble. The story was based on an actual experience I had when I was ten years old and delivering newspapers in the morning.  Well, I saw an old man sitting at a table. Not sure it was me. For one it was Boise and there is no way in hell I'll ever end up in Boise.

Unless it is hell and that is where I end up.

To hell with Thanksgiving, let's get to Christmas

 

I suppose I could get a gig as Santa Claus. But then I would have to act jolly.  And I'm not a jolly kind of guy. Though I've put on a few pounds over the years I don't shake when I laugh like a bowl full of jelly. I do have the full, white beard and white hair.  I've had my share of Santa Claus comments.

The beard isn't about being Santa Claus for me. I mean, I didn't set out to grow a full white beard. I had a trimmed goatee for years. It was maybe in the last two or three years that I just let it grow. Part of it is to cover the double chin that shakes a bit when I laugh like a bowl full of jelly. The other part was that throughout my life I really leaned toward having facial hair.  When I was in my 20s it was pretty pitiful. I confess that I did try filling in my moustache with eyeliner for awhile until the snickers from "friends" got to embarrassing.

So now that the beard is full, I have grown fond of it. I don't just have to be Santa Claus, I can be Don Quixote or John Brown the abolitionist. I can be Sigmund Freud or Robert E. Lee (though being a Confederate isn't cool these days). I can be one of ZZ Top, too.

As George Carlin once said , "See my beard, ain't it weird. Don't be scared, it's just a beard."

Shuffle off to Buffalo

 

It's National Bison Day! So look at me! I'm Buffalo Time Waits!  I'm beginning to have an identity crisis.  Though having AI recreate me is lots cheaper than costumes and make up. Technically bison are not actually buffalo but early European settlers in North America mistakenly called bison buffalo because they thought they looked like African buffalo. Though I seriously doubt that most European settlers in North America had ever seen African buffalo.

I have actually been to Buffalo, New York many years ago. The city was apparently not named after bison or buffalo. It was named after Buffalo Creek which likely actually called "beau fleuve" or "beautiful river" by French explorers. English settlers may have thought they were saying buffalo creek instead. Though some thought an interpreter may have mistranslated a native word for "beaver" as "buffalo" in a treaty signing. Are you getting the sense that English settlers weren't the sharpest tools in the shed?

Regardless, Buffalo is called Buffalo and has nothing to do with Buffalo. It does lay claim to the creation of Buffalo wings. Or at least the Anchor Bar in Buffalo lays claim to that creation. 

I've been there which is one of my claims to fame.

I've lived a full life. I wouldn't buffalo you. 

I wouldn't beau fleuve or bison you, either.  But don't call me Bison Time Waits. 

Monster Mashup

 

It's National Frankenstein Friday! Oh yeah, it's also Halloween.  So I had Copilot bring out the monster in me. It always tries to spruce me up a bit though. Not that I'm complaining. I don't mind losing a few pounds and having cool looking white hair and a trimmed beard. I also like the green pallor. 

It gives me character...or makes me a character. 

None of my t-shirt designs sold for the Halloween although many of them are pretty spooky. I've lost faith in social media.

Not that I ever had faith in it.

Speaking of selling things, I tried selling one of my guitars on eBay to make and effort to make more space. It is a 1960s Decca acoustic guitar.

I was asking $200 but I always accept offers so I expected to sell if for maybe $125.  It is an odd guitar. Decca was a 60s record company that tried branching out and selling guitars. This one was likely made in Japan. Odd thing is that it has a headstock like a steel string guitar and a pick guard, but it has a tie bridge that you normally just see on Classical guitars.  And it doesn't have a truss rod to reinforce the neck and change the action.  So I advertised it (with the help of AI) as a hybrid guitar that probably should just be strung with nylon strings to avoid damaging the neck.

It didn't get much interest and I didn't think much about it But the other night I get this message through eBay's messaging system.

That looks like a very Large Crack going the length of the neck. Is that why the warning of not using Steel Strings because its CRACKED Badly?

Its Rotten Sellers like YOU who give Ebay a BAD NAME. This Guitar is LOADED with Massive Amounts of Dents, Deings and Marks Everywhere, especially on its CRACKED NECK and Yet You Say NOTHING About all that. And YOU KNEW This was a steel String Acoustic but your warning to only use nylon is to hopefully avoid the Neck BREAKING IN TWO The Length of it. You WILL Get Negative FB and A Forced Return/Refund and Pay for the Return Shipping!!!!! You Should Be ASHAMED of yourself for such Blatant, Dishonest Deceptions!!!!!

Obviously a fan contacting me. I responded that there were no cracks in the neck. They were probably seeing the wood grain in the photo and thought it was a crack. I explained my theory about the nylon strings. I didn't say that Copilot wrote the stupid listing.  I also I figured that was the end of it. But then:

And Your Theory that having a neck truss rod confirms it is a Steel String and not having one you suspect means a nylon String. Where do you get your FAULTY Reasoning From????? Many older STEEL String Guitars NEVER had Truss Rods, especially Cheap ones like this one!!!

That is NOT a hyrbrid guitar either. Many cheap sellers put whatever guitar strings they have available to them just to save money from purchasing the correct strings. So YOU Assume and go by whatever the Next Guy Does????? Also that Tie Block was also used for some very old vintage steel string guitars! 

 I don't know how many guitars I've bought for my business and had to switch out the WRONG STRINGS because of all the cheapskate, Naive, and Dishonest Sellers Out THERE!!!

I've bought more than 20,000 Guitars of all types for more than 55 years and I KNOW What I'm Talking about and it has Had Held up in a COURT OF LAW more than once when needed! I also work for Ebay as a Troubleshooter for Spotting Fraudulent musical instruments. I'm telling you right now that you need to correct your listing before I make my Report on This!

I was getting pretty irritated by this dick. But I responded nicely. 

Okay I'm not sure what you think is fraudulent about the listing other than telling people not to use steel strings. But it hasn't gotten any interest and I don't need to be bothered with debating this. I'm taking down the listing. I appreciate your intent but your communication style is offensive and insulting.

Still, he wasn't done.

I don't appreciate Ebay Listers who refuse to listen to an Expert in this Field.I made it clear that I've been in the Guitar Business for more than 50 years and You chose to IGNORE That. I made it Clear that Your reasoning for deciding this was a Classical was totally Flawed and you IGNORED THAT Also. If you will insert a DISCLAIMER Stating that you are Not Sure of the Guitar Type AND Accurately Describe it with all the Dozens of Dents, Dings and Marks it has and that it may have a repaired neck crack, I will allow you to continue the listing.

 

 

 

 

 I couldn't believe he was implying he would allow me to continue the listing.  But it wasn't worth my time to debate him so I just wrote that he was the expert and I valued my reputation and never intentionally deceived anyone in a listing and I had removed it. Then I blocked him and reported the incident to eBay who will likely not do squat.  It was a very disturbing experience.  This dude was crazy. And the crazy thing is that he does sell guitars on eBay and has positive feedback.  How whacked is that? I'm not naming names but if you ever encounter continuum777 on eBay, run.

Oh well, there is a monster in everyone.