Pet projects

 

I realize the debate is old news now and I missed most of the "they are eating pets" trends. But I couldn't resist getting in a few digs. Because just when you think things can't get more bizarre, Trump ramps it up a notch. Part of me wants to believe that deep inside he is just playing a big practical joke and still wants to see how far he can take it. 

It is sad to believe that anyone would take the notion of immigrants eating pets seriously. But then again we have Bobby Kennedy Jr. happily confessing that he has taken road kill home and cooked it up. And this is the same man who found a dead (we hope) beached whale and cut it's head off with a chainsaw and strapped it to the top of his mini van to take home. So I don't think immigrants are the problem.

I'm just counting the minutes before the intellectual property police force teepublic.com to take this one down. I was actually surprised that Gemini would generate an image of Batman since it is so prissy about so many other things. I asked it to generate an image of a kangaroo smoking a cigarette and it informed me it couldn't do that.

Why did I want an image of a kangaroo, you ask? You should know better. I, of course, had this idea to do a spoof of the movie "Midnight Cowboy" with a kangaroo as Ratso, the character Dustin Hoffman played. A taxi nearly hits him while he's crossing the street and Hoffman improvised an iconic line, "I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here!"  All of this was inspired by Kate Bush's song "Moments of Pleasure" and the lyric, "Bang went the kanga on the bonnet of the Rover."

Here's what I ended up with.

I'm not convinced it works. I wanted the kangaroo to be dressed more like Ratso and have slicked back black hair.  But this is the best Ideogram could spit out. And ChatGPT told me that an Australian cowboy is called a ringer or a stockman. I like Midnight Ringer better than Midnight Stockman.  Regardless, unless someone reads this I seriously doubt anyone will get it.

With that dismal failure I'll end with an image inspired by today being National Linguini Day.

It helps put the whole kangaroo fiasco in the past...or pasta.

Numbskull

 

ChatGPT says numbskull is a kind of a playful, old fashioned insult as opposed to a modern, biting insult. So it is apparently something Homer Simpson would say to Bart, "Stop being such a numbskull"  as he ruffles his cartoon hair.

I decided to do a numbskull design because $6 t-shirts had a t-shirt that was just a skull. And I always have to one up them. I wonder if anyone will get that this skull is wearing a nitrous oxide mask to make it numb.

But I couldn't stop there. 

I had to trick Gemini into making this one. Because when I asked it to generate a design of a skull being used like a drum it thought it would be offensive and wouldn't I rather have an image of a happy skull frolicking in the woods? So I asked it for an image of a skull with a drum on top and it didn't have any trouble pumping out a few of those. Gemini takes the Artificial part of AI pretty seriously.

I created a couple of these, too.

I thought I was being so clever but turns out its not an original idea. But I like that my Bad Catitude looks like my teenage son.

And finally I couldn't resist one upping another $6 t-shirt design. I feel sorry about it.

But really not.

Never meet your heroes

 

This design was inspired by a relatively inane bit of click bait I of course clicked on today about a now famous actor (who I can't even recall his name) who met Jennifer Aniston when he was just 22 years old and new to Hollywood. The author of the article referenced the saying "Never meet your heroes" although at 22, I imagine the young man didn't think of Jennifer Aniston as so much his hero but his fantasy. And he even said it wasn't that she was rude to him, it was just awkward. So the entire article was basically drivel. But it inspired a t-shirt design.

My dilemma with designs is that my tendency is to try and find a funny angle for most things. So I originally set out to create something more like this.

But the other image came up in Gemini and I really liked it. Because I am actually quite a serious person (despite my penchant for bad puns). The thing is, serious doesn't seem to sell and my journey on teepublic.com seems to be about turning it into a money making concern doing something I really enjoy. Let's ignore the fact that I've been doing it for months and, although I've sold 71 items (counting the ones I've purchased myself) I have made less than I make in my day job in about two hours.

Kind of puts things in perspective.

I realized today, however, that I do tend to opt to be a performing monkey rather than a serious designer. It is true in most of my interactions with people. I try to hard to be funny because I think that is what people want.

I did produce a few designs in a more serious vein earlier today.

If you are not familiar with the Green Knight, he is a figure in Arthurian legend. He 
arrives at King Arthur’s court during a New Year's feast, challenging any knight to strike him with an axe, on the condition that he may return the blow in exactly one year and a day. Sir Gawain accepts the challenge and beheads the Green Knight, but to everyone’s astonishment, the Green Knight picks up his severed head, reminds Gawain of their agreement, and rides away. After the beheading, Sir Gawain embarks on a quest to find the Green Knight a year later. He faces trials and temptations along the way, which test his honor and loyalty to the chivalric code. When they finally meet again, Gawain learns valuable lessons about honesty, humility, and forgiveness. Gawain manages to keep his head.

The Green Knight is considered a symbol of nature. So I envisioned him kind of an earlier incarnation of the Lorax in Dr. Seuss' book where the Lorax speaks for the trees.  Out of that came the design above including the obscure reference to "UNLESS" from the Lorax. that implied nature is doomed unless we do something about it. I even created a couple of Green Knight designs using the Lorax.

So I do have a serious side that wants to create things that inspire.

But today was also National Uncle Sam Day so I couldn't resist this.

Okay, I can't just change overnight.

We may never pass this way again

 

 I don't think this is what Seals and Crofts meant when they released "We May Never Pass This Way (Again)" back in 1973. I was a sophomore in high school when it came out. I didn't really think about passing that way again. Though my sophomore year was pretty good. I'll spare you the details because I'm finally catching on that people don't really give a shit about my life story. Well, maybe they will when I die and I've left behind thousands of t-shirt designs that will be discovered and declared the work of a genius...well, a genius who knows how to work with AI art programs anyway.

As you can see, I was kind of in a sophomoric mood coming up with designs today (nice unintended segue). You can't go wrong with puns and farts. Though I started out with cans.

Although a good pun, I don't imagine anyone who just got canned would stop and order a t-shirt. So I'm actually going after the market of people firing people. You fire them and then soften the blow by giving them a "I just got canned" t-shirt. There's a certain logic to that fantasy.

This pun came from a few days ago. I just Googled Bird of Pray and there are a few people who have tried using the pun before, but none as well as this. Honestly I think most of them just don't know "prey" is not spelled "pray." I'm thinking the religious right will be all over this t-shirt design. That's what I'm preying for, anyway.

Woke up laughing

 

Actually, I woke up like I usually do, with our Bengal cat poking me with her paw at about 5:30 a.m. because she wants me to get up and feed her. I don't find it particularly funny. But I did find the debate last night humorous. Trump is so predictable and full of shit. Harris played him like a piano. Yet, still the Trump monkeys can't accept it and continue to fling their feces on X along with Elon Muskrat. 

Laughing seemed to be the theme with my designs today.

I'm pretty sure I have the only laughing Cthulhu t-shirts on the web. H.P. Lovecraft would love it. Or he would hate it. Although familiar with his work, I can't say I ever read any of his stuff. I just clued into the Cthulhu from 6 dollar Shirts. ChatGPT filled me in on what it was and I figured it would be a good subject for a "....who laughs" design.

The same is true for this one.

I must admit I'd never heard of a Tardigrade. And apparently they are often called "water bears" or "moss piglets." The are tiny, microscopic organisms that seem to be more resilient than a cockroach. Apparently in times of trouble they squeeze out all of the water from their microscopic bodies and curl into a dried, dormant form. They can stay in that state for decades or even centuries and reanimate when you add water. They sound very much like my old friends the Sea Monkeys who are just brine shrimp (don't get me started).

This Tardigrade who laughs looks like a mutant Ewok. It's not something that would make me wake up laughing.

The great god Pan is dead

 

I neglected to acknowledge yesterday that James Earl Jones, well known for being the voice of Darth Vader, died. He was 93.  If I am doing my math correctly, he recorded Darth Vader's voice when he was 45. It was a relatively low budget film at the time ($11 million). But it grossed more than $775 million in its initial release and later re-releases. 

So James Earl Jones did well.

For some reason, Jones death made me think of something I'd read years ago about the death of Pan, the Greek god of the wild, nature and rustic music. Greek historian Plutarch wrote about a ship carrying a sailor named Thamus near the coast of Greece. A voice called out to Thamus and said, "Thamus, are you there? When you reach Palodes, take care to proclaim that the great god Pan is dead."  When the ship reached Palodes, Thamus made the announcement, and according to the story, a great lament arose from the surrounding land.

So I created this design that I am seriously certain will never make it on a t-shirt. But it expressed the way I felt about Jones passing. 

The Force was strong in that one.

Walk this way

 

I remember watching this film at the Vista Theater in Boise, Idaho back in 1968 or 1969 about Big Foot. It was a documentary by Roger Patterson that included some footage Patters and Bob Gimlin supposedly shot in Northern California in 1967 showing a grainy looking image of a Big Foot ambling alone without a care in the world. I think it was shot in Super 8. 

Why Big Foot would allow itself to be captured on Super 8 film in 1967and avoid being filmed since in a world where everyone's phone is a camera defies all logic. Big Foot should be appearing in more film than Brad Pitt if it exists. My 10-year old self wanted to believe in Big Foot when I saw that film. I wanted to believe in anything more interesting than the boring place I grew up in. I wanted to believe in ghosts, UFO's, and god. Now I'm pretty skeptical about them all.

But Big Foot makes one hell of a t-shirt design.

About the same time I was hoping Big Foot was real, I saw a film on television that Tony Curtis starred in about Harry Houdini. The movie was made in 1953 before I was born, but television at the time was like social media and was hungry for content. So much of what we saw on television was from 40s and 50s era cinema. After see the movie "Houdini" I became a bit obsessed about the 1920s escape artist and magician. Maybe it was because the movie made Houdini seem supernatural. The real Houdini was a momma's boy obsessed with communicating with his dead mother through spiritualists. He went on a crusade debunking mediums only because he was looking for a real one. He never did find one when he was alive, but the urban legend about him suggests he communicated with his wife after his death. Anyway, I was really into Houdini for awhile. Who knows, maybe I was Houdini in a past life.

But I do tend to escape from reality.

I know that I know nothing

 

I learned that I know nothing when I began to middle age. And I deliberately said "began to middle age" as opposed to "turned middle age." Since you don't really know how long you are going to live, pinpointing middle age for any one person is difficult. 

I was actually relieved to discover that I really know nothing. It takes a lot of pressure off of you to know what you are talking about. But there is a paradox in the statement that you know nothing. Because if you truly know nothing, you don't really know for certain you know nothing. But conversely, if you know everything, then you should know that you know nothing, so you don't really know everything.

When I took philosophy in college (a requirement at the Jesuit institution I attended) I became fixated with this concept that, "Those who know, know. But those who don't know, don't know. And those who know, know that those who don't know, don't know. And, of course, those who don't know, don't know that those who know know." See that dog chasing its tail?

I for some reason thought the concept described existentialism. But ChatGPT informs me that it is actually Socratic Philosophy with a dash of Zen Buddhism thrown in.  So I guess I am more Socratic than I ever realized.

It was pursuing the above pun that led me to Socrates' quote about knowing he knew nothing. Ironically, I started out looking for a pun that would support using an image of Napoleon. because I found this super cool little bronze bust of Napoleon at a French antique store yesterday.

The sad thing about the piece is that somehow lost part of its nose (so Napoleon may have cut off his nose to spite his face). The happy thing is that because the nose was clipped the bust sold for a reasonable price and I bought it. It appealed to me for some reason and it was relatively small so it doesn't take up too much space in my office.

But it inspired me (as I mentioned) to create a t-shirt design with a bust of Napoleon. I thought about creating one that read, "A psychic told me I was Napoleon in a past life. That's French to me." But then I realized the actually phrase is "That's Greek to me." So I asked ChatGPT for a list of Greek leaders. Socrates was one of them. That gave me one design, but I didn't want to give up on Napoleon. Finally it came to me.

I'm pretty proud of this one even though those who don't know won't get it. But screw them anyway. They are likely voting for Trump.

Ice Ice Baby

 

I had an idea for a design last night when I was falling asleep. It was a genius idea. I knew I should have grabbed my phone and typed a note to myself about it so I wouldn't forget, but it was so good, I figured I wouldn't forget it. So I went to sleep. 

I forgot it.

But I think it had something to do with an ice freezer. So I improvised and created several versions of Desperate Ice-olation.  I also played with Desolate Ice-olation.

They pretty much mean the same thing. 

When I was a kid and we used to go camping every summer for our vacation we'd always stop at this place early in the morning before we headed for the hills and buy a big block of ice. It's odd to think that places like that existed. It was a throwback to when people had actual ice boxes in their homes and had blocks of ice delivered regularly. This place was company that sold ice. But they had this vending machine set up at what I remembered was like a loading dock. You put your money in and a block of ice slid out. My dad would put it in our cooler and we were set for several days. We usually had to stop at a country store during our vacation to replenish the ice, too.

Funny how important ice was (is) in our lives.

The other design idea I had that popped into my head when I was trying to remember the one I forgot before I fell asleep was this riff on the "Karate Kid."

You have to have watched "Karate Kid" umpteen times to get this pun. It is a reference to the instruction bad boy Johnny Lawrence was given by the head of Cobra Kai dojo John Kreese when he was competing against Daniel LaRusso. It was an illegal strike that maimed Daniel momentarily until he recovered with an iconic crane kick despite his bum leg. "Sweep the leg," became kind of a random yet iconic thing to say to your friends.

Ironically "Karate Kid" was revived in a current TV series "Cobra Kai" which kind of leads you to think Johnny Lawrence was okay and Daniel LaRusso (played by Ralph Macchio) was kind of a dick. 

Regardless, I like my version of "Sweep the Leg." Everyone has broom for improvement.

Did I ever tell you you're my gyro?

 

I have always viewed gyro meat as Greek Spam. I mean, have you looked at that jumbo roll of mystery meat they carve slices from and throw it into a pita and call it a gyro. Most American's don't pronounce gyro correctly. They call it a "JAI-roh" like a gyroscope. It is supposed to be pronounced "YEE-roh." And when you pronounce it correctly my dad joke puns work much better. 

Though I suppose saying "My gyros have always been cowboys" is a stretch, especially if you've never heard of Willie Nelson and his song, "My Heroes have always been Cowboys."  And if you haven't heard of Willie Nelson, you make me very sad. 

Years ago I dressed up like Willie Nelson and and sang an original composition called, "Bill's Heroes have always been Engineers" sung to the tune of "My Heroes have always been Cowboys." It was to honor an engineer at our office who was retiring and really liked Willie Nelson.  I was real proud of the chorus:

CHORUS

                G                            D

Bill's heroes have always been engineers

E7                                  A7

Though some think they're freaks.

        G                               D                             G

Building ramps over highways so we can travel the byways

    D                A7                                 D

But as kids, they were paste-eating geeks.

I sang my version of the song at an all-agency staff meeting. I did my best to look like Willie Nelson. I had a fake beard and a wig with braids. I wouldn't need the fake beard now, though I'd still need the wig with braid. My long hair days are long gone. Anyway, I was pretty proud of that song.

I'm not sure whether or not Bill liked gyros though. 

Diana Goddess of the Titanic

 

A bronze statue of the Roman goddess Diana that once adorned the first-class lounge of the Titanic was found half-buried on the ocean floor by a research expedition that used submersibles to photograph the wreck. I'm not sure why that intrigued me so much. The statue was only about two feet high. It was a copy of a statue, Diana of Versailles that is in the Louvre. 

Everything about the Titanic captures people's attention. I told my daughter the other day that if the Titanic hadn't sank on her maiden voyage she would have been like any other ocean liner and sailed until she was scrapped for metal and sank. Instead she made one failed trip and is the most famous ship in history.

I equated it to being like Elvis. If he hadn't have died young at the age of 42 he would have aged in the public eye and likely disappeared into obscurity. Instead he died and became forever ageless and iconic. It makes me wonder which is preferable, to die young and become immortal in a sense in that people always remember you as your young self or age into oblivion. 

Of course this only applies to people who have achieve fame. 

So sometimes I think fame is less of a blessing and more of a curse. 

Plan 10

 

So maybe you are familiar with the 1959 film "Plan 9 from Outer Space." It was directed by Ed Wood and has the distinction of being considered one of the worst films ever made. And because it was so bad, it became a cult classic.  I have never seen the movie, but I was kind of aware of it. The movie's story involves extraterrestrials who implement "Plan 9," a scheme to resurrect the dead on Earth as part of an effort to stop humanity from creating a doomsday weapon that could destroy the universe.

The film features Bela Lugosi (the original film Dracula) in his final film appearance, although most of his scenes were shot before production began and were later integrated into the movie. After Lugosi's death, another actor stood in for him, awkwardly covering his face with a cape in scenes. The film is infamous for its visible production flaws, such as wobbly graveyard tombstones, poorly constructed flying saucer models, and inconsistent lighting and continuity errors.

So I saw a t-shirt on the 6 dollar t-shirt site that had the movie poster for "Plan 9 from Outer Space" and it inspired the idea of  "Plan 10 from Office Space" and addresses the dead being resurrected and returning to the office after working remotely (literally and figuratively) for years.  I asked Gemini to help me with this idea and it wouldn't have anything to do with it so I went to Ideogram because god knows how many more days I'll be able to eek free designs out of it. And it gave me six or seven great designs. If you look closely at the one above you'll see me as a zombie on the far right. The reason for including me in the design is twofold. First I've decided to go Alfred Hitchcock on my designs and appear in as many as possible the way Hitchcock used to appear in all of his films. Second, my workplace is considering forcing employees to return to work at the office, at least a few times a week.

Needless to say, this idea has not been well received. And although I didn't really enjoy working remotely when the pandemic first struck, I've grown fond of my home office and having the luxury of rolling out of bed and shuffling into work without what amounts to an hour and a half commute by train to and from work each day. I also like just wearing jeans and t-shirts and not showering a great deal.

I'm hoping more and more people can relate to this dilemma and I can be on the cutting edge supplying them with t-shirts.

I think there is a remote chance this could happen.