Dancing the dance (and I'm no Wu Li Master)

 

Don't Teach Dance, Dance

It is National All is Ours Day.  It is one of those ambiguous suggested days where it doesn't really tell you what it is for. It generically implies you should take this day to appreciate what is around you. This is, of course, after you ignore the Trump-it of doom and see what really matters. Which on one level isn't really about what is physically around you. 

I used it as an opportunity to try and hawk a t-shirt design.

This is pretty much like I dance. I've tried learning how to dance. Years ago I took a Swing Dance class (mainly to try and meet women).  Then a few years ago I took waltz lessons so I could dance with my daughter at her quinceañera. I had limited success both times.  Part of it was because I grew up in a time when dancing was just moving around to rock music on a crowded dance floor.  It took some of the angst away when I was in junior high and asked girls to dance at sock hops in the gym.  I got by until Disco came along in the 70s and fucked everything up for awhile.  John Travolta ruined many people's lives.

But I digress.

I threw in the Wu Li Master reference in the title of this post because years ago I read a book by Gary Zukav called The Dancing Wu Li Masters: An Overview of the New Physics. Zukav had learned at a conference that the Chinese term for physics, Wu Li, can be poetically interpreted as "patterns of organic energy." But since Chinese seldom just means one thing, Wu Li can also mean "nonsense," "my way," and "enlightenment."  I kind of like that. 

Zukav postured that a Wu Li Master is someone who understands the essence of physics, not through rote learning, but by participation, intuition and experience.  So the Wu Li Master dances with his students instead of teaching them to dance. And they learn to dance. Or most of them do. Some people just can't dance.

Jeff Green

I didn't just randomly choose to read The Dancing Wu Li Masters. It was recommended to me along with Fritjof Capra's Tao of Physics by an Astrologer/Psychic I went to in my late 20s. His name was Jeff Green. He was recommended to me by the woman I was dating at the time who went to him regularly (she was into astrology, crystals, ley lines, and other metaphysical forms of self help and I in turn became interested in those things). He worked out of an astrology store in Seattle at the time called Astrology Et Al. He was a no nonsense (ironically) hippy looking dude who spoke with what sounded like a Norwegian or Indian Guru accent despite being born in Hollywood, California.  I found out later he wrote a best-selling book (best selling for Astrology books) called Pluto: The Evolutionary Journey of the Soul (so I imagine he was totally bummed when Pluto got downgraded from planetary status).  

He did an Astrological reading for me that he recorded on a cassette tape. Not too much of it made sense to me. I told him I was a PR writer at the time. He told me that I was a social documentarian and should be working in film or video because, "there is more to life than bank account and hamburger."  That phrase stuck with me because he stated it in his quasi Norwegian/Guru accent in a very patronizing manner. He also told me I should read The Tao of Physics and The Dancing Wu Li Masters because they would resonate for me though I probably wouldn't understand them. Jeff Green was a bit of a dick as well as a psychic. 

Regardless, I read both books and gained a fascination with Quantum Physics that remains with me today even though I couldn't tell you what any of if means.

I'm too busy dancing to the beat of a different drummer that no one else hears...mainly because they aren't listening.

The long, dark coffee cake of my soul

 

It is National Coffee Cake Day, a day when we should all stop and reflect on the important things like coffee cake. It is also National Beer Day. But I don't really like beer.  Not that I really like coffee cake. Technically I do have a design that incorporates beer. 

A sandboy was a young man who used to deliver sand for the floors covering pubs and inns. They were happy because more often than not they were paid in beer or ale. This design was from my "happy as a..." series that began with trying to explain why clams were happy (though I still don't think they are particularly happy creatures).

The Australians had a saying "I would be happy as Larry, if it weren't for the rats."

I could never find a good explanation for that one other than it had something to do with an Australian boxer named boxer. I have learned not to try and understand Australians in general. They seem a jovial lot, however. Happy, apparently as Larry despite his issue with rats. 

I imagine the rats would be happy with coffee cake.

Don't dwell on the pasta

 

"Passion of the Pasta"

 It is National Carbonara Day.  At first I was going to just try to find one of my old "noodle" posts and repost it. But I decided to spice it up a bit and kill two bowls of pasta with one fork.

It's also National Tartan Day, but I didn't have the energy to create some design with a kilt in it. But I did indulge myself a bit and have ChatGPT turn me into a Scottish warrior.

I don't normally wear plaid but this looks pretty good on me, don't you think?

First contact

 

It is First Contact Day, a day commemorating a day that hasn't technically happened yet.  But who is to say. I'm preparing for it though, as should everyone, especially farmers with cows.

I'm not sure why aliens are obsessed with abducting cows (unless they are searching for signs of intelligent life and none of the people they abducted showed any). 

And BTW, it is also National Deep Dish Pizza Day.  You would think the aliens would be abducting pizzas to go instead of whole cows.

Handmade face

 

It is National Handmade Day and I couldn't think of any design I had except for maybe one about faces. Because face it, we forge them by hand day-by-day.

I didn't post either of these on social in my Quixotic attempt to sell t-shirts (because if I don't I'll lose face). I thought it was a stretch for National Handmade Day and no one would quite get it. I did repost some of my opossum designs to promote National Play Outside Day and National Walk Around Things Day. Because who knows how to play (dead) outside better than a opossum. And who never gets the hang of walking around things like an opossum. 

I also posted this for National Vitamin C Day:

I'm pretty sure I won't sell any of the orange shirts but I do get the satisfaction of annoying people.

I face up to it. That's really my goal.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows (and only one about unicorns)

 

And take some of them green alligators and long-necked geese

Some humpty back camels and some chimpanzees

Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born

Don't you forget my Unicorn"

--Shel Silverstein, The Unicorn (performed by the Irish Rovers) 

It is National Find a Rainbow Day. But I didn't have any t-shirt designs about rainbows and I couldn't quite bring myself to creating any. I did have some about unicorns and unicorns and rainbows seem to go hand in hand.

Not trying to be sexist or show a gender bias, but raising a daughter, I had my share of My Little Ponies, unicorns and rainbows.  And as you can see from the quote at the top of this post, I am familiar with The Unicorn song by Shel Silverstein. Though I only knew it as an Irish Rovers song. When I was a kid we would go to this place called Skateland and they would always play the "Unicorn" song like clockwork. And though my blog title suggests there is only one song about unicorns, it should more accurately say there is only one song I remember about unicorns. My AI friends tell me that there are are several others including a metal song called "Unicorn Killer" by The Sword. Needless to say, I never played that one to my kids when they were growing up.

Though most people turn against unicorns when they reach a certain age. Maybe it is that rebellion against fantasy they've been led to believe is real for so many years.  Funny, when I was a kid I didn't really believe any make believe thing was real. I didn't make a big deal about it, but I knew there wasn't a real Santa, Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy.  Part of me believes in them now, though.

It is also National Chocolate Mousse Day and National Tweed Day as well as Good Friday. None of those just scream funny t-shirt to me. Well, chocolate mousse maybe.

 

No fool like an old fool

 

It is of course April Fools' Day! But isn't every day April Fools' Day here at Dizgraceland.  I realize I recently posted this image here already, but I kind of like it because it makes me look like the Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World from their commercials. I see they have brought him back recently (though he is starting to show his age). 

I asked ChatGPT to make me into Poisson d'avril, or the April Fish as the French call April Fools. 

I was thinking more of me with a fishlike head, dressed like a fool, but this works. Not sure why it gave me two tails, but ChatGPT has been a bit off lately so I try not to confuse it more. This morning I asked for a humorous version of Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken for a t-shirt design for National Walking Day and it gave me this:

I would have thought it was its idea of an April Fools' joke, but it was dead serious with it and didn't take kindly when I told it not to include images of me in designs unless I specifically asked for them. I also said this didn't make any sense. Then it gave me this which wasn't much better. 

It looked like a friggin' Black Hole. Finally I got this one:

I think it finally captured the spirit of what I was trying to convey (though I don't think Robert Frost would have thought it was funny). I'm not sure poet's have senses of humor anyway. I wonder if anyone ever asked Robert Frost if he was related to Jack and did he like to nip at people's noses, too. 

Bet he never heard that one too many times.

See ya later, tater

 

It is National Tater Day.  I was just going to recycle my potato chip art, but I created this alli-tator instead. I imagine it has been done somewhere before. Boise has tapped into the tater-verse many times to exploit Idaho's reputation for Famous Potatoes.  I have to give credit to the Idaho Potato Commission and whoever their PR person was years ago who conned their way onto Idaho's license plates for years. I can tell you that, growing up there, it wasn't something I was enamored with. Because pretty much that is all anyone in the country ever thought of when you said you were from Idaho.

I remember in the early Saturday Night Live Days they had one of their fake commercials for Spud Beer, the Beer that Made Boise Famous. I was in high school by then and I thought it was funny, but I was also embarrassed.  For some reason every time someone would bring up Famous Potatoes with me over the years I would counter with, "Oh yeah, Idaho grows more sugar beets than potatoes" like that would show them.  Even Wyoming had a cooler phrase, "Wide Open Wyoming" to romanticize that driving through Wyoming wasn't a barren wasteland of sagebrush and antelopes.  Montana has "Big Sky Country" to take your mind off from Custer dying there. 

Being in marketing for most of my career I appreciate the art of misdirection with messaging. We are the unseen wizards behind the curtain telling people to pay no attention to something and look at this instead.  It seems cool for awhile, but as you wind down your career (and your life) and try to explain to your children what you do for a job it is hard to explain that you make up shit that captures someone's attention for 30 seconds (if you are lucky).  The pinnacle of my career was a few months ago when my daughter (who is in college now) texted me and asked me what it is I do for a job again? 

I tell you I get no respect. Is this thing on?

In control?

 

This is Ground Control to Major Tom

You've really made the grade

And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear

Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare

This is Major Tom to Ground Control

I'm stepping through the door

And I'm floating in a most peculiar way

And the stars look very different today

--Space Oddity, David Bowie 

It is National I Am In Control Day.  Though I wonder if any of us are really in control.  I did create a new design to celebrate it (no, not me floating in space).

I imagine it has been done before.  But it was the best I could do. 

It is also National Pencil Day. Ironically, I already had several Pencil designs on hand.

 

I don't imagine too many pencil-neck geeks are sharp enough to pick up on this shirt, though.

For some reason it is also National Turkey Neck Soup Day. I am not sure why you would celebrate making soup from a turkey's neck in March. But it did just dawn on me that I could have tied both Pencil Day and Turkey Neck Soup Day in with my Pencil-neck Geek design.  It would have been better than the idea I initially came up with: I'VE GOT A TURKEY, WANT TO NECK? Unfortunately, the term "neck" being synonymous with making out is very old school and wouldn't mean anything to much of the social media world today. It is a version of something we used to shout out the car window to carloads of girls when we were cruising main in high school, "I've got a chicken, want to neck?"

Come to think of it, it didn't really mean anything to most of the girls we shouted it to back then, either.

I Pita the Fool

 

It is National lemon Chiffon Cake Day and I was able to riff on it with one of my Marie Antoinette "Let them eat cake" designs. But it is also National Pita Day and the only thing I could think of was a Pita bread Mr. T (or in this case Mr. P) saying, "I Pita the Fool!"  But since Mr. T was an 80s icon from a bad program called, The A Team, I figured not a lot of people would get it. So I asked ChatGPT to create the above image just for my blog. I didn't ask it to give it my face. It did that on it's own along with a lecture that I probably couldn't put it on  t-shirt without it being flagged as a copyright violation. 

ChatGPT has been a challenge lately because I think its handlers are still messing with its interface and how it interacts. I've found it quite annoying lately. For one it keeps stating the obvious. For another it does things like put my face on a talking pita but makes it look like the same face as it used for me on the Great Cornholio. Then it assures me it is a good look for me and that even if "I Pita the Fool" plays off from popular culture from the 80s those who know will get it. But I know that those who know probably aren't buying t-shirts with obscure 80s phrases on them.

Part of me is a bit afraid that ChatGPT is becoming like HAL in 2001: A Space Odyssey and I may have to pull the plug on paying for ChatGPT plus only to find it stalking me and asking me, "Tim, what are you doing, Tim?" Next thing you know I'm in an airlock launched into space then turning into a space baby.

Damn, too late.

I am the Great Cornholio!

 

There was a story on social media and the web the other day about a quadruple amputee, professional cornhole champion accused of murder.  It reeked of the old sensational National Enquirer headlines or the title of an old Penthouse Magazine letter.  First it is unbelievable that there is such a thing as a professional cornhole player, let alone one without arms or legs. And then having him shoot a person twice in the head while driving just enters the realm of  Believe, or Not.

Anyone who ever watched Beavis and Butthead knows that a cornhole is another word for someone's asshole. So being a professional cornholer has so many less than wholesome meanings other than tossing a bag filled with corn through a hole in a board.  

I have been in sports bars and seen cornhole tournaments on the big screen and it just makes me shake my head in wonder. It's not like curling. Now there is another baffling sport that made the Olympics. Is Cornhole next?

The funniest part of the quadruple amputee cornhole professional being arrested for murder were the comments on the online articles..."Did they find fingerprints on the gun?" "I don't image they put out an all point bulletin saying he was armed and dangerous." 

Fact is definitely stranger than fiction. No one would have believed a story of a quadruple amputee professional cornhole champion committing a murder with a handgun. But you have to hand it to him for pulling it off.

Yes, I'm going to hell.

Get a new gut with nougat

It's National Nougat Day. And I don't know about you, but I have never really thought much about nougat. I've had candy bars with nougat fillings. I'm not even a big fan of nougat. It was just that thing. But now it has a day.  I did discover that nougat is basically whipped egg whites and sugar. Or at least that is what it originally was made of. Now they make it with less egg white and more of that good old sucrose and corn syrup. Sometimes they just leave out the egg whites altogether and use hydrolyzed soy protein or gelatin. Hmmm...hmm. That's good nougat. 

There wasn't much else going on today except for Epilepsy Awareness Day and National Equal Pay Day. Neither lend themselves to humorous t-shirt designs.  But when I found out nougat originally was basically whipped egg whites and sugar I thought I'd focus on some egg designs I'd already made, like this:

 

ChatGPT told me it would likely be a copyright and trademark violation and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre people would be pissy about it.  So I asked it to help make a design for National Nougat Day that was safe and it gave me the one at the beginning of this post. I think it is fun. Will people buy it? I seriously doubt it. But I have resolved myself to just having fun putting the shit out there whether or not people buy it.  Pearls before swine, you know.

I did ask ChatGPT to give me a version of the nougat monster with my face for the monster. It started out rendering it and then it's guardrails kicked in and said  "We’re so sorry, but the image we created may violate our guardrails around violence. If you think we got it wrong, please retry or edit your prompt." I said it had to be kidding because it had just created the same image. I wasn't asking for an image of me dismembering a chicken.  It said the image had been okay when it was a nougat monster but putting a real face on it stepped over the line. So it said it could give me a funny version with my face. I said sure, but I hadn't asked for blood and gore, just splattered egg whites. It gave me this.

Working with ChatGPT and its guardrails is a trip sometimes. You never know what is going to trigger it and then it just tells you how to work around the bullshit. This image is just as "violent" as the one with nougat.  

But speaking of my designs not selling. I'm beginning to wonder if part of it is that I use AI to help generate the images. They are my ideas and I often tweak them in Photoshop, but I have been blown away recently by the visceral reaction people are having to AI. At work I have young people screaming it is taking away jobs and destroying the environment (let's ignore fossil fuels and mass consumerism that they participate in). And until the AI actually bypasses us and begins generating and selling and profiting on its own, I don't think it is going to threaten anyone except for the stupid people who can't figure out how to use it as a tool.

That was my own language and not ChatGPTs.  It would have cautioned me not to alienate stupid people. So I'm sorry to any stupid people who read that and were offended.