Staying the distance

 

It's National Personal Space Day.  And as an introvert, I can totally relate to it. 

It's probably the only thing I miss about the pandemic. You could keep people at a distance without offending them (unless they were right wing nut jobs who thought the whole thing was a hoax, but who gives a fig if you offended them). 

Ironically it is also National Mississippi Day. And it is one of those southern states where I want to distance myself from anyway.

In addition, it is Stay Home Because You're Well Day. Also ironic since this is Saturday. 

The National Day people need to think these things through a bit better.

Oh the shark bites

 

After god knows how long, I finally sold a couple of t-shirts on Zazzle.  Both were this design. It is a simplistic design. It's not one I would have chosen. I like this version better.

It is one of the ironies of my life that people prefer the simple to what I view as more sophisticated and edgy. I love the realistic shark and its cold unblinking eyes. This is a shark that could easily bluff an hand. This is a Las Vegas shark. The other one is a more Reno, let's go to the buffet type shark.

Regardless, I broke through the long, dark coffee break of my soul imposed upon me by those bastards at Teepublic.

I'll show you yet Teepublic, you and your little dog Toto.

Thanksgiving and Mourning Glory

 

It's National Turkey Free Thanksgiving Day! I guess I got confused and thought it meant you could give away turkey so I roasted one. Actually I bought two and roasted one. We bought a frozen one a couple of weeks ago and thawed it out in the refrigerator thinking it would keep until Thanksgiving. Then I read they only keep up to four days once you thaw them. And since I didn't want to poison everyone in the house and spend Thanksgiving hunched over (or on) the toilet being violently ill, I bought another turkey a couple of days ago. I did feel bad about the other turkey and I toyed with giving it a proper burial in the back yard, but I eventually just put in in the trash that hopefully they will pick up tomorrow.

Anyway, I brined the second turkey overnight and used a spice rub on it and popped it in the oven, basted it every 40 minutes 

Finally I tested it with a meat thermometer and boom, free turkey. Though technically its feet were bound together so it wasn't really free. But it tasted pretty darned good and so no one has thrown up. I am thankful for that (as you should be on Thanksgiving).

And randomly, the phrase "mourning glory" popped into my head (not morning glory, like the flower, but "mourning glory" as in expressing grief and sorrow following a loss...in this case of glory).  It took awhile coaxing Gemini and ChatGPT for images. At first ChatGPT gave me stuff like this.

Finally Gemini gave me this.

Not really t-shirt material, but I like it. But I may not in the morning.

Get it?

I could have said no

 

This is a paraphrase of a quote from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard. The full quote is "There must have been a moment, at the beginning, where we could have said — no. But somehow we missed it." To me it was the genius of the entire play. According to ChatGPT, 

"This line reflects the existential theme of the play, highlighting the lack of control the characters feel over their lives and destinies. They grapple with the idea that they are merely following a script, unable to escape their roles in the larger narrative of Hamlet. This is emblematic of the play's exploration of free will versus determinism."

I read the play in an English class when I was a sophomore in college.  Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are characters in Shakespeare's Hamle. Again ChatGPT describes them this way:

"Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are fictional characters from William Shakespeare's play Hamlet. They are two courtiers and childhood friends of Prince Hamlet, summoned by King Claudius and Queen Gertrude to spy on Hamlet and uncover the cause of his apparent madness. Although initially loyal to Hamlet, they become pawns in Claudius's schemes and meet an untimely death when Hamlet outmaneuvers them."

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are sent off with Hamlet with a note from Claudius to a neighboring kingdom. The note says Hamlet should be executed. Hamlet figures it out and switches the note with one saying Rosencrantz and Guildenstern should be executed. And they are.

"In Tom Stoppard's Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (1966), the characters are reimagined as protagonists. Stoppard's play portrays them as bewildered individuals struggling to make sense of their existence and their role in the larger story. It explores themes of free will, fate, and the absurd, often blending dark humor with existential philosophy. The pair are depicted as interchangeable and confused, symbolizing humanity's struggle with purpose and meaning."

I loved the play because it portrayed Hamlet as really being crazy and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern get screwed by fate. It's when they are in prison awaiting their execution that the quote about a time when they could have said no comes from. I love that quote because to me it sums up life. When we are bemoaning where we end up, it is important to remind ourselves that there was always a time when we could have or should have said no.

You know? 

 

It's National I Sell Things I Find in Thrift Stores on eBay Day!

 

It isn't really National I Sell Things I Find in Thrift Stores on eBay Day.  Technically it is National Cake Day. And I didn't have a t-shirt design that has anything about cakes and I didn't feel like creating on. That takes the cake, I know. 

Tomorrow is National Craft Jerky Day, National Bavarian Cream Pie Day, National Tie One on Day and National Jukebox Day. None of those particularly inspire me either. So F it. I choose it to be National I Sell Things I Find in Thrift Stores on eBay Day! And I find it pretty damned satisfying. I sold six things yesterday and three this afternoon.  The problem is that I have exceeded my supply of boxes which mainly come from Amazon purchases (which is pretty amazing considering the amount of shit my wife buys on Amazon). And often times the items people are buying are either too big or too small for the boxes I have. So I have been building boxes out of other boxes. I also have been repurposing other boxes that aren't really intended for packing and shipping things (like soda boxes and tissue boxes).

I have become quite adept at crafting boxes to fit the items I sell, but they are rarely pretty. So I wrap them in brown paper recycled from grocery bags (which the bastards at the grocery store charge us for anyway). So it is sort of a win, win situation. I imagine the people receiving the shit I sell in these boxes that look like Dr. Frankenstein created are a bit baffled. But I pack the stuff I sell really well so nothing is damaged. That is why I am rated as a top seller by eBay. That and the fact that they profit from me and haven't had to deal with any complaints or other stuff they don't want to deal with.

Maybe I will make tomorrow National I am a Top Seller on eBay Day since I have this new found power to create National days anytime I feel like it.

I am giddy with the power. IAY ebayay!

Tiki Tok

 

I was going to post an image of a Blue Christmas Tiki. But I'll be damned if I haven't generated one. It seems pointless to generate any designs any more that would get my account cancelled at Zazzle. I wouldn't want to lose that steady stream of nothing that I'm earning. I'm not sure what the deal is You would think I'd sell something.

Anyway, instead of Blue Christmas Tiki I found Tiki Tok. I had forgot all about it. 

I wonder why.

What are the Oz's?

 

As I pronounced last night, I went to see "Wicked" the live musical tonight at the Paramount Theater in downtown Seattle. And of course it was pretty darned good. But it was an extremely expensive night. The cost of the tickets aside, between parking, buying "merch" at the booth in the lobby and paying almost $40 for two cookies, a bottle of water, a bag of chips and two coffees I probably could have gone on a cruise for the same amount of money.

But at least my wife and daughter were entertained. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was a great production, but former Broadway productions that go on the road are supposed to be a great production. And they are pretty predictable. Plus I'd seen it before in 2019. Not that I remembered a great deal about it.

The thing I don't like about going to the Paramount theater is that trying to use the restroom at intermission is a bit like being an extra on "The Hunger Games." You fight your way through throngs of people just to get to the line that leads downstairs to the other line for the restroom.

But the Paramount is a lovely vintage theater and I managed to snap this photo of the drinking fountain outside the men's room before I fought my way to a urinal. 

As for the design I posted above, I may or may not have posted it here before, but I was trying to find something that related to the Wizard of Oz and since I posted two last night all I could think about was this one that was a riff on Ozzie and Harriet.

Oh there is this one.

And this one.

I guess they Trump Ozzie and Harriet.

There is something fishy going on

 

Okay, no it isn't April Fools Day. But tomorrow is National Sardines Day. And the French think April Fools Day is April Fish Day. They are French, after all. A sardine is a fish. Therefore I will post this image of Poisson D'Avril It makes a great t-shirt BTW.

And tomorrow I am going to see "Wicked" at the Paramount Theater in Seattle. This is "Wicked" the live musical theater show, not "Wicked" the over hyped movie. And I created this design with a Lizard of Oz, because as we all know, I am just too fricking clever and it makes a real bitching t-shirt that you won't find anywhere else.

And speaking of the Good Witch Glenda.

I won't post a link to a t-shirt using this design because I haven't uploaded it to Zazzle yet. Besides, that's a horse of a different color.

Espresso yourself and save a latte

 

November 23 is National Espresso Day which isn't much different that National Coffee Day.  But it did remind me of how I used to use the line "Espresso yourself and save a latte" a lot at work when I was trying to impress people with how clever I was. It was my punny idea for an ad headline for public transit. I thought it was so clever that everyone would hear it and think about how clever I am. 

This was before I realized that I don't know anything and I'm not all that clever. And it makes me cringe now that I would say things like "Espresso yourself and save a latte" over and over to show people how clever I was. And I never quite understood why no one thought it was as clever as I did.

This is perhaps why no one is buying my t-shirt designs on Zazzle. They are all just too clever by half. 

Wow. Espressing that is a latte to get off my chest.

Creepy Tiki Elf

 

I started shilling my Tiki holiday collection on Blue Sky and was gloriously ignored. And the other downside of being on Blue Sky is that I can't find Teepublic on there so I can't bait them with snarky @teepublic posts. 

But I have my Creepy Tiki Elf to keep me company. He is available as a t-shirt or a coffee mug.  And it isn't available on Teepublic. We know why.

That's absurd

 

It's National Absurdity Day! But of course, that meaningless to you.  And yes, this is the design that Zazzle rejected because it was violating Albert Camus' intellectual property rights. And since he is dead, he would probably consider that an absurd thing for Zazzle to have done. But at least they didn't delete my account. Not that it would matter since I still haven't sold a single design 

It's absurd.

Am I blue?

 

Well, Blue Sky hasn't made me famous yet either. I had one like for my Make America Grate Again post. Perhaps I just don't understand how social media works or doesn't work. 

And in case you are wondering, this image of a fairly graphic Blue Moon was and image I tried creating on Ideogram a few months ago but I never tried making it into a t-shirt. It didn't quite meet even my standards (which aren't that high). But I needed something to go along with Blue Sky and "Am I blue?"

Butt who knows if it would have sold.

I am tempted to post it on Blue Sky.

Making America Grate Again

 

I just joined Blue Sky. And this is one of my first posts. I truly think it is something Trump can achieve.

It's odd, but Blue Sky looks just like Twitter used to look like before Elon Muskrat fouled it. I hear millions are leaving X and migrating to Blue Sky. We'll see how long it lasts before it becomes grate again. 

Take a hike

 

This is an oldy but a goody. And it seemed perfect for National Take a Hike Day. So I posted it on X with this text: It's National Take A Hike Day! #NationalTakeAHikeDay https://zazzle.com/horribly_lost_t_shirt-256371782651329327… And take a hike is exactly what

@TeePublic

@teepublic_usa

will tell you to do if you are an artist and don't navigate their incomprehensible terms and conditions correctly.

I won't stop until Teepublic apologizes to me. 

So obviously I won't stop.

 It's also National Homemade Bread Day. I didn't slam Teepublic, but I did use the design on a potholder you can own. https://www.zazzle.com/yeast_mode_pot_holder-256717093258680906

After all, the design is too hot to handle.

Ornamental, My Dear Watson

 

I know what you've been wondering, "How can I get a Christmas ornament that promotes Dizgraceland Records, a non-existent record company that has not records and is really a blog and part-time t-shirt, clock, playing card and now Christmas ornament designer.  Well, obviously it is your lucky day because I figured out how to sell Christmas ornaments on Zazzle. Because nothing says Christmas like a Dizgraceland Records ornament.

Well how about this.

It's my way of promoting a Blue Christmas without poking the Intellectual Property police. 

I think that now that I am selling t-shirts, playing cards, tote bags, clocks, dog dishes, Christmas stockings, phone cases and Christmas ornaments, the world is my oyster. 

The trick will be if someone actually buys any of it.

Time on my hands

 

Zazzle has another thing that Teepublic doesn't offer. You can create clocks. So I turned this record that doesn't exist from a record company that doesn't exist by a singer that doesn't exist into a clock. You can also buy this one.

I do love my hair in this one. And it makes a great clock, too.  Or you can just buy a clock that had my non-existent record label on it.

It's about time.

Matchmaker, matchmaker...

 I discovered you can sell custom matchboxes on Zazzle which are horrendously over priced but you get 50 or so of them. And I am absolutely positive no one will buy them, but I could resist creating a design and trying to sell it on match boxes. And of course Zazzle flags the design for review because they know the millions of people who are going to flock on board and buy match boxes I have designed will get them in deep doo with some intellectual police Nazi. Like anyone owns "A match made in heaven."  I suppose it is because I started out attempting to sell this:

Then I got all paranoid that they were going to go all "Fiddler on the roof" with me and scream I was violating the rights of a 60-year old musical. So I didn't post it and went with the match made in heaven and a National Matchmaker Day design.

I'll be damned if they didn't flag that for review, too. I get all paranoid and think that shit lawyers at Teepublic contacted the shit lawyers at Zazzle and warned them that I am a rabble rouser.  They are matchboxes for Christ sakes. Who even uses matches these days.

I could be because I posted this for National Pickle Day:

I posted it on X with this text: It's National Pickle Day! #NationalPickleDay https://zazzle.com/bit_of_a_pickle_t_shirt-256886997674890774…

And a pickle is what you'll be in if you are an independent artist trying to sell on

@TeePublic

@teepublic_usa

and trying to figure out their terms and conditions.

I did get one like from Donna's Pickle Beer. So I've got that going for me. But don't you like the way I wove that slam on Teepublic in there seamlessly. I don't even think they know what hit them.

But if they do, I have a match for them: My butt and their face.

I'm going to put that on a match box and it will probably fly through with no problem.

Proof is in the pudding

 

This image was inspired by National Indian Pudding Day (which didn't get a single post on Instagram until I posted one).  Ever wonder where the phrase, "The proof is in the pudding" comes from? Well, even if you haven't, the phrase "the proof is in the pudding" is a shortened version of the original proverb, "the proof of the pudding is in the eating." This older saying, which dates back to at least the 14th century in England, means that the true value or quality of something can only be judged by putting it to the test. In other words, you have to experience or try something out to truly understand its worth or effectiveness.

In medieval times, "pudding" referred to a type of sausage filled with meat and other ingredients, often risky to eat if not properly prepared. Hence, "the proof of the pudding is in the eating" meant that you could only tell if the pudding was safe and good by tasting it.

Over time, the phrase was shortened to "the proof is in the pudding," though this newer version is less literal and sometimes misunderstood. Today, it’s used to convey that results are what ultimately demonstrate the quality or truth of something.

The moral of this is that making pudding that is actually sausage is not pretty. Nor is blogging.

Pizza my mind

 

It's National Pizza with the Works Except Anchovies Day.  And in addition to having too long of a National Day title for a #tag on social media, it garnered maybe 900 posts. I think my social posts probably get that much play and that isn't saying anything. I think people overestimate the power of the National Day impact. 

It is also National French Dip Day. At first I asked ChatGPT to generate an image of a crazy looking French person wearing a beret and it gave me this:

I think it is a striking image, but it looks a bit too much like Johnny Depp playing the Mad Hatter in the Tim Burton "Alice in Wonderland" film. I also thought by labeling this a "French Dip" I'd get some back lash (not that anything gets backlash in these days of Trumps and Roses). And I didn't think anyone would buy a t-shirt with this image on it.

So I asked Gemini to generate and image of a French Poodle being dipped in a wash tub (Gemini can't handle images of people for free yet).

Now that is a design some French Poodle owner might buy. But the "National French Dip Day" people didn't bother with X knowing it isn't a forum for civil marketing. So I posted it on Instagram and saw there were also only a couple hundred posts. 

Finally, to experience the trifecta of National Day t-shirt designs I created this for National Chicken Soup for the Soul Day (which is kind of a chicken shit National Day if you ask me).

Again, although it was a thing on X and Instagram, there were not even a thousand posts.

I'm at a loss where to market my stuff. Again, I haven't sold a single thing on Zazzle. So as much as I hate Teepublic, at least they were aggressive marketers. They just have a shitty legal team.

Oh well. Viva La French Dip!

What the heck is that anyway?

 

Not all things I find in thrift stores are easy to identify. Take this thing:

When I first found it, I thought it was some kind of sculpture. It looked like it could be an arm or leg of a statute. It was made out of stone or concrete. This was reinforced by the tag I found with it that I assumed belonged to it, but it wasn't attached so I was making a leap of faith.

I went to Kheops International's web page. They were still in business, but there wasn't anything that resembled this. So I wrote their customer service and sent them some photos of the thing.

In the meantime I kept using Google Lens to try and identify it. If you haven't used Google Lens, it is an option to have Google search for an image you upload to try and find similar things. Some times it is spot on. Other times it is random. But after a few searches, I thought I found something that resembled the weird stone arm or leg.

It came up several places looking like a traditional Indonesian pestle called an ulek-ulek. It is typically used together with a mortar called a cobek to grind and crush spices, herbs, and other ingredients into pastes and sambals (chili sauces) that are essential to Indonesian cuisine. The ulek-ulek is usually made from stone or wood, and its shape allows for an effective grinding motion to release the flavors of ingredients such as chilies, garlic, shallots, and ginger.

Sure enough, the customer service people at Kheops International confirmed that it was indeed a traditional Indonesian pestle sans its mortar.

Go figure. I search Goodwill the next few days hoping to find the cobek to my ulek. But alas, either someone had snagged it or it got broken or tossed by the original owners and they threw the ulek into the Goodwill donation pile. Thing is, together, the traditional Indonesian Mortar and Pestle would be worth about $150. Who knows what a lonely ulek is worth? I figured it had to be worth at least a fourth of what a mortar and pestle would cost together and listed it on eBay for $45.  Maybe there is someone out there with a cobek just dying to find an ulek.

You never know.

I dig thrift store archeology

 

I hit two Goodwills, Value Village and a couple of antique malls this weekend.  I had some pretty amazing finds.

This one was a super cool Zen Buddha sculpture that I'm not sure I want to sell.

And speaking of Buddhas, I also found this one (that I'm also not sure I want to sell).

Talk about enlightenment. But to give the Christians some love, I found these items.

There is just something about a Crucifix I can't resist. Maybe it is because the church I was raised in didn't have any symbols other than the cross and the crown. 

Now this one was truly an anomaly. It was an odd reproduction of the Great Chalice of Antioch from the 1970s that was sold as a candle holder. 

No I knew nothing of the Great Chalice. So ChatGPT enlightened me. 

"The Great Chalice of Antioch is a notable silver chalice that was initially believed to date back to the early days of Christianity, possibly around the 1st century AD, and was thought to have been used in early Christian rituals. When it was discovered in the 1910s in Antioch (modern-day Turkey), it stirred significant interest due to the belief that it might even be the legendary Holy Grail.

However, after extensive scholarly research, it was concluded that the chalice was likely created in the 6th century, making it a later artifact than initially thought. Despite this, the Great Chalice of Antioch remains an impressive example of ancient Christian liturgical art and is now housed at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, where it is considered a valuable historical and artistic treasure."

 Today I took my daughter to a nearby town called Snohomish. It has several antique malls. Here was my haul.

I was truly enthralled by this Bakelite ash tray from the iconic Cunard Line steamship company.

I Found this Chinese figure in a booth that was selling everything 50 percent off. 

And this amazing African wood carving was in one little booth for $2. 

It was right next to this interesting wood carving of Moses and the tablets. The staff is supposed to be the one that changed into a snake. 

And at another mall I found these two reverse painting Mexican trays. 

I love being a thrift store archeologist.