(in response to Mrs. Jacobsen's e-mail with the subject line, "why not get a date")I've used a similar reply for free music downloads, military benefits, nutritional supplements, men's blue jeans and the jackrabbit vibrator. Most of the spam replies have been returned, but I have been cc: ing Winston on all of these replies just so he knows I'm looking out for him. And who knows, maybe he'll see the value of cocoa.
Dear Mrs. Jacobsen,
My name is Winston Magui. I am an Ivorian. And yes, I am in need of a date. I am willing to trade you several cases of cocoa for a date. First, however, I need you to help me get $5 million american dollars out of my country and into a safe bank account. Please to send me where I can wire the money.
Yours in regrets, Winston firstname.lastname@example.org
PS: I am not named after the cigarette
Dear Winston, Cool name.
Your parents must have smoked a lot of Winston's. That's what I call brand loyalty. Anyway, so you are an Ivorian, huh? My parents used to use your soap....so pure, it floats. And can you send me any free cocoa? I really like hot chocolate. So I got your business proposition and I'm glad you came to me first with it. It sounds like a sweet deal. I'm connected. You'll understand what that means if you watch the Soprano's. You get HBO in Ivorian, don't you? Okay, first, 10 percent is not going to cut it. Let's be reasonable. You have a problem and I have the solution. Let's say, 33 percent to begin with. But let's say you send me a few cases of Cocoa first to make sure you are serious about the deal.
Please at the moment, i do not have assects to cocoa.So if you ready to help me you tell me. The percentage will not be any problem, provided that the money will be save when it enters your account.
Dear Winston,Okay, the e-mail address I sent Winston was from another spammer. I also e-mailed Larisa Winston's e-mail address with the following letter:
Thanks for trying to satisfy me. Bummer that you don't have "assects" to cocoa. You would think you would have socked some away when you lived on the plantation. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20.
Anyway, you can trust me with your money, trust me. Here's what I'd like you to do, e-mail me at this address: email@example.com Once I hear from you, I'll give you my bank account number so you know where to send the dough...that's American for money. Just to show you I'm on the up and up, here's the Web site for a company that will help you wire the money: http://www.orderwires.com/
And Winston, I want to think of me as your brother. That's how I think of you. We're family now.
Your e-mail came just in time. I am a 30 year old unmarried man seeking a wife. With the money you have, we could be very happy together because I really know how to treat a woman ;) My name is Winston and I really know how to satisfy you.
Anyway, e-mail me at this address: firstname.lastname@example.org. Once I receive your response, I'll send my bank account number so you can "Show me the money."
Other than the dewlap, I really can't relate to moose. I've never really understood why the Seattle Mariners' mascot is the Mariners Moose, either. The name moose, given by the Algonquin, a native North American tribe, means "eater of twigs", reflecting the animal's primary diet of leaves and twigs. I dare you to relate that to baseball.
Moose are found in northern forests in North America, Europe, and Russia. In Europe and Asia, moose are called elk. Moose are solitary animals who have a deep call and a strong scent. They have a life span of about 17 years in the wild.
Anatomy: The moose is about 7.5 feet (2.3 m) tall at the shoulder. Only bulls (males) have antlers. The largest recorded antler spread is over 6.5 ft (2 m). The antlers are shed each year and regrow. Moose have hoofed feet, long legs, thick brown fur, a large body, and a droopy nose, and a dewlap (a flap of skin hanging loosely from the chin).
Behavior: The moose is an herbivore (a plant-eater) who spends most of the day eating. Moose eat willow, birch, and aspen twigs, horsetail, sedges, roots, pond weeds, and grasses.
Time it was and what a time it was it was,Maybe it is middle age. Maybe it was the visit from the life insurance salesman the other night. Or maybe it is just my own mortality tapping on my chamber door ala the raven. But I've been in this frenzy of late tracing the meandering branches of my family tree.
A time of innocence a time of confidences.
Long ago it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they’re all that’s left you
Bookends, "Simon and Garfunkel"