Thursday, October 27, 2005

Postscript: Winston is not a cigarette

Just a brief follow-up to my spambo III entry. I have not heard back from Winston. I believe he is mad at me. So I guess I won't be getting any free cocoa or $5 million.

But just so he doesn't forget me, I have begun replying to all of my spam with a version of the following:

(in response to Mrs. Jacobsen's e-mail with the subject line, "why not get a date")

Dear Mrs. Jacobsen,

My name is Winston Magui. I am an Ivorian. And yes, I am in need of a date. I am willing to trade you several cases of cocoa for a date. First, however, I need you to help me get $5 million american dollars out of my country and into a safe bank account. Please to send me where I can wire the money.

Yours in regrets, Winston

PS: I am not named after the cigarette
I've used a similar reply for free music downloads, military benefits, nutritional supplements, men's blue jeans and the jackrabbit vibrator. Most of the spam replies have been returned, but I have been cc: ing Winston on all of these replies just so he knows I'm looking out for him. And who knows, maybe he'll see the value of cocoa.


Alex Pendragon said...

Maybe you could share the love with requests from the Republican National Committee for campaign donations. I'm sure they'd love to recieve tons of illicit cocoa. Oh, and while you're at it, it might be a good idea to tell Homeland Security that a terrorist from the Ivory Coast might try and make it into the country. Just tell them to ask anybody named Winston if he likes cocoa, and his expression should be a dead give away! hehe
Keep up the good work, Tim, we shall all sleep soundly knowing we have the likes of you watching our collective backs!

Lauren said...

I bow to your greatness, o spurner of Spamdom!

Time said...

the michael,
Fortunately for Winston and I, I don't get requests from the Republican National Committee. And I'm glad I can keep you and the rest of the nation safe from bad boys like Winston. Because I am the Spaminator.

Lights, Don't waste your pity on Winston. He knew what he was doing. We have to forget that he was once our friend. Shoot, I miss his letters, the fun times, the cocoa with those little marshmellows...I'd better stop. I'm misting up...

Lauren, Spurner of Spamdom...I like that. You can never go wrong with aliteration. Thanks!