Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Spambo III

Every now and then I break down and respond to the spammers who send out those scam letters saying they are in Africa and want me to send them my bank account number so they can transfer millions of dollars into my account. Yesterday I received a letter from someone claiming to be Winston Magui, the 19-year old son of a cocoa plantation owner who was killed after squirreling away $5 million in a secret bank account somewhere. Winston said he was an "Ivorian" which I assume is supposed to lead me to believe that he is somewhere on the Ivory Coast. Here was my response (using my friend Gunter's name...sorry Gunter):

Dear Winston, Cool name.

Your parents must have smoked a lot of Winston's. That's what I call brand loyalty. Anyway, so you are an Ivorian, huh? My parents used to use your soap....so pure, it floats. And can you send me any free cocoa? I really like hot chocolate. So I got your business proposition and I'm glad you came to me first with it. It sounds like a sweet deal. I'm connected. You'll understand what that means if you watch the Soprano's. You get HBO in Ivorian, don't you? Okay, first, 10 percent is not going to cut it. Let's be reasonable. You have a problem and I have the solution. Let's say, 33 percent to begin with. But let's say you send me a few cases of Cocoa first to make sure you are serious about the deal.

Sincerely, Gunter


And here was Winston's response:

Dear Gunter,

Please at the moment, i do not have assects to cocoa.So if you ready to help me you tell me. The percentage will not be any problem, provided that the money will be save when it enters your account.

Winston.

And of course my response:

Dear Winston,

Thanks for trying to satisfy me. Bummer that you don't have "assects" to cocoa. You would think you would have socked some away when you lived on the plantation. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20.

Anyway, you can trust me with your money, trust me. Here's what I'd like you to do, e-mail me at this address: larisa_sosnitskaya@excite.com Once I hear from you, I'll give you my bank account number so you know where to send the dough...that's American for money. Just to show you I'm on the up and up, here's the Web site for a company that will help you wire the money: http://www.orderwires.com/

And Winston, I want to think of me as your brother. That's how I think of you. We're family now.
Your brother,

Gunter
Okay, the e-mail address I sent Winston was from another spammer. I also e-mailed Larisa Winston's e-mail address with the following letter:

Dear Larisa,

Your e-mail came just in time. I am a 30 year old unmarried man seeking a wife. With the money you have, we could be very happy together because I really know how to treat a woman ;) My name is Winston and I really know how to satisfy you.

Anyway, e-mail me at this address: winston_magui2020@yahoo.com. Once I receive your response, I'll send my bank account number so you can "Show me the money."

With Love,

Winston

I kind of hope they hook up and drain each other's bank accounts.

In the meantime, I think it would be kind of fun if everyone who reads this e-mails Winston and asks him to send them cocoa. Just e-mail Winston at this address: winston_magui2020@yahoo.com. Tell him Gunter said he was giving away free cocoa and you want some.

Together we can mess with the spammers.
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