Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Spambo III

Every now and then I break down and respond to the spammers who send out those scam letters saying they are in Africa and want me to send them my bank account number so they can transfer millions of dollars into my account. Yesterday I received a letter from someone claiming to be Winston Magui, the 19-year old son of a cocoa plantation owner who was killed after squirreling away $5 million in a secret bank account somewhere. Winston said he was an "Ivorian" which I assume is supposed to lead me to believe that he is somewhere on the Ivory Coast. Here was my response (using my friend Gunter's name...sorry Gunter):

Dear Winston, Cool name.

Your parents must have smoked a lot of Winston's. That's what I call brand loyalty. Anyway, so you are an Ivorian, huh? My parents used to use your pure, it floats. And can you send me any free cocoa? I really like hot chocolate. So I got your business proposition and I'm glad you came to me first with it. It sounds like a sweet deal. I'm connected. You'll understand what that means if you watch the Soprano's. You get HBO in Ivorian, don't you? Okay, first, 10 percent is not going to cut it. Let's be reasonable. You have a problem and I have the solution. Let's say, 33 percent to begin with. But let's say you send me a few cases of Cocoa first to make sure you are serious about the deal.

Sincerely, Gunter

And here was Winston's response:

Dear Gunter,

Please at the moment, i do not have assects to cocoa.So if you ready to help me you tell me. The percentage will not be any problem, provided that the money will be save when it enters your account.


And of course my response:

Dear Winston,

Thanks for trying to satisfy me. Bummer that you don't have "assects" to cocoa. You would think you would have socked some away when you lived on the plantation. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20.

Anyway, you can trust me with your money, trust me. Here's what I'd like you to do, e-mail me at this address: Once I hear from you, I'll give you my bank account number so you know where to send the dough...that's American for money. Just to show you I'm on the up and up, here's the Web site for a company that will help you wire the money:

And Winston, I want to think of me as your brother. That's how I think of you. We're family now.
Your brother,

Okay, the e-mail address I sent Winston was from another spammer. I also e-mailed Larisa Winston's e-mail address with the following letter:

Dear Larisa,

Your e-mail came just in time. I am a 30 year old unmarried man seeking a wife. With the money you have, we could be very happy together because I really know how to treat a woman ;) My name is Winston and I really know how to satisfy you.

Anyway, e-mail me at this address: Once I receive your response, I'll send my bank account number so you can "Show me the money."

With Love,


I kind of hope they hook up and drain each other's bank accounts.

In the meantime, I think it would be kind of fun if everyone who reads this e-mails Winston and asks him to send them cocoa. Just e-mail Winston at this address: Tell him Gunter said he was giving away free cocoa and you want some.

Together we can mess with the spammers.


Mockingbird said...

Way to go pal! :D That sure is one hell of a way to mess up the spammers :)

Naughti Biscotti said...

DAMN!!!! Tim, you are brilliant. You had me with the last African scam artist thing, but.... this.... this... is just BRILLIANT. The world must know what you're doing.

Naughti Biscotti said...

DONE!!!! Check this out:

I got word from a close friend of mine that you have assects to cocoa. I am now your new best friend. I will do anything to have some of my own. I was told that you would send me a case for free. Please contact me and I will send you my address.
Thank you,

I would appreciate it if you could throw in a couple of cartons of Winston's too. There's nothing like a cigarette with a nice cup of hot cocoa.

Time said...

Thanks Michael, We will over come.

Shandi, Bless you for taking on the work of spamming the spammers.

BlazngScarlet said...

Sheer genius!
(I came here via Shandi)

I will most assuredly keep this in mind when I check my email next!

You rock! :)

Time said...

Thanks Lights, if I can annoy one spammer than my life has become worthwhile.

And Welcome Blaznfyre, glad you stopped by and thanks for the encouragement! We must all unite against the spammers!

Alex Pendragon said...

I have recieved a couple of these golden opportunities myself. I sometimes wonder if they deliberately screw up the English in an attempt to make it sound more plausable. Anyway, their stories and the publicity that is already out there concerning these frauds makes me think that anybody smart enough to operate a computor yet stupid enough to buy into these fantasies deserve to be ripped off. Since almost all of these things originate from Nigeria, one can't help to wonder if this isn't a profitable industry actually encouraged by the government, since most of these governments are corrupt as a rule. Maybe if Bush were to write the "President for Life and Exalted People's Leader and Protector" of that fine "democracy" and suggest he might get a nuke up his ass if he doesn't put a stop to it might encourage him to concentrate on other endeavors to keep his countrymen occuppied. But then again, who am I kidding?

In the meantime, keep at it and keep us up to date on Winston's replies. It seems to take them awhile to catch on when someone is screwing with their minds. lol!

Lauren said...

Priceless! I love it! Thanks to Shandi for directing me to your site.

Time said...

the michael,

Something tells me President Bush has already given Winston his bank account information and is waiting patiently for his $5 million to be wired into his account. Once he does realize it was a scam we may hear of the weapons of mass destruction on the Ivory Coast and act accordingly. In the meantime I'm going to continue to take matters into my own hands. I'll keep you posted.

And Welcome Lauren, Glad you stopped by and glad you enjoyed it. I'll have to thank Shandi for the endorsement.