Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Hearts and flowers


I thought about writing a post about the history of Valentines Day, but all you have to do is Google it, it didn't seem worth the effort of regurgitating stuff from other websites. I actually just wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to Photoshop my face on a cupid anyway.

I do think the holiday (and I use that term loosely since we don't get the day off) is just another example of capitalism exploiting the masses with ritual traditions that require spending lots of money. If you are involved in any kind of relationship, it is pretty much expected that you better be sending cards, flowers, candy to your loved one and take them out to dinner.

I've taken to making my own cards these days, so I like to think I'm sticking it to the man. It's not so much the cost of the cards that gets me, it's insincerity of pawing through a rack of cards some schmuck copy writer has written and giving it to your loved one as a sign of your love. I prefer develop my own with Photoshop and a color printer. At least it demonstrates that I'm investing my time and talents to create the sentiment.


The flower business is another scam. Lord help you if you wait until the last minute to order flowers delivered for Valentines Day. If you do find a flower place that will take your order, you'll pay through the nose for rush delivery charges. Chances are the flowers won't be of the highest caliber either. So I try to plan ahead. Unfortunately, this year I ordered through Amazon thinking the flowers would be delivered yesterday for Valentines. They delivered them Friday.  Fortunately they are still alive.

I've kind of given up on heart shaped boxes of chocolate, too. A few years back I thought I'd be clever and buy my wife a heart shaped boxes of chocolate while we were shopping at the grocery store with our kids. I slipped away, bought a box and went out to the car and hid it under the car seat.  Unfortunately, we were taking care of a friend's dog who was going on vacation and the dog was in the car at the time. When we got back to the car with the groceries, the dog had rooted out the box of candy and eaten half the chocolates. And that's when I discovered chocolate is poisonous to dogs. I had to rush the poor thing to a dog hospital where it cost me $250 to have them give him stuff to make him throw up the chocolates. If I had known that all he needed to do was throw up, I would have just stuck my finger down his throat.

I got ahead of the game this year and made reservations several weeks ago for dinner. My wife and I long ago gave up on romantic dinners for two once we had kids. So the reservations are for four. And since the restaurant doesn't serve pizza, I imagine I'll be hearing about it from my son all night.

Dinner turned out to be pretty much a bust. The place had a fixed menu for $89 a person. We had a table next to the kitchen. The kids didn't like it. My wife didn't like it. It cost me about $300.  So much for special.

Anyway, Happy Valentines Day!


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