Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Wearing many hats

I don't literally wear many hats. I actually have a hard time finding hats that fit. My head is embarrassingly big. It's a wonder I could find a mortarboard that would stay on my head when I graduated from high school and college. Although I joke about it, I don't think my head is big because of my tremendous brain capacity. I inherited my large head from my father. I think I ended up with his ears, too. Those don't make wearing many hats any easier.

Since I don't wear a hat well, it is fortunate that I have a full head of hair. But ironically, if I was bald, hats would likely fit my head better. I will forgo shaving my head to test that theory.

Although I have a hard time finding hats that fit and thus I look very stupid in hats, I seem to own a tremendous number of baseball style caps. Everytime I travel, I end up with a hat that has the name of the place I've been (or some bar in the place I've travelled). I rarely wear these hats.

I have tried to wear cowboy hats. But for some reason the hats always make me look like the Flying Nun. Plus there is not alot of places in the Pacific Northwest where you can wear a cowboy hat. Seattle is more of a fishing cap place. I don't fish.

I was a drum major in high school. We were the Boise Braves. Instead of a drum major's high, furry hat, I wore a full headdress. It fit and looked kind of cool to me, but it wasn't a very practical hat and you couldn't really wear it in the rain without looking a bit like one of those poor birds that has been caught in an oil spill.

When I had long hair, I experimented with bandanas. This did help keeping my hair out of my eyes, but I was overcome with this overwhelming desire to talk like a pirate or ride a Harley. I also got tired of being mistaken for a gypsy.

Football helmets hurt my head. Sweatbands give me headaches. Visors are just wrong. A fez makes me look like I have a pointed head. Tophats have the same effect. I can't keep a sombrero on. Stocking caps mess up my hair and I refuse to wear a foam hat shaped like cheese.

When it comes down to it, I've tried on many hats, but I can wear very few. But my hat is off to those who can carry it off.


Anonymous said...

Okay, this is coming from a person who has a small, round head (no indication of my intelligence either, riiight)....but being able to wear a hat is not all it's cracked up to be. For starters, there's hathead - that lovely circular indented pattern that just screams "what the hell is up with her hair?" Then there's static. Many of us end up looking like we drag our feet across the carpet all day. And last, there's the dreaded wind. I don't care what direction it's coming from, if it's blowing, it will inevitably steal your hat like the 3rd grade bully during recess. Revel in your large cranium, T. At least it casts an interesting shadow because as this famous writer I know once said, "Shadows are really the window to the soul."

Alex Pendragon said...

This is spooky. You and I have many things in common, the hat thing one of them. I just can't do them. No matter what kind I try on, it looks like some alien appliance perched on my head. No matter how cool the hat looks on others, you put that same hat on me, and it loses it's dignity immediately. I did the stocking cap thing in high school, and whenever I look at pictures of myself in it, I always ask myself, "What in the HELL was I thinking?" You're right, Tim, thank Bob for hair!

Hayden said...

humm. If I go ahead and do the post I've been considering about Jake's big head, know it is not referencing yours. Now that I've established that disclaimer.....

Time said...

Miss Bliss, steal your hat "like a third grade bully at recess." I like that. And that must have been one famous big headed author to cast such a big shadow. :)

THE Michael, You're not talking through your hat. Here's to hair.

Lights, You wear a cowboy hat, don't you, Buck?

Hayden, Are you saying Jake can't wear hats either?

R. said...

You should wear a pimp hat. Yo' daddy.

Time said...

Yo, what you talking about, R?

Naughti Biscotti said...

I was going to say something but R's comment and your response had me laughing too hard.

Couldn't you think of a topic that would require you to photoshop your face on a fly-ass Pimp. I want to see a cool diamond studded grille and some bling bling.

Time said...

Have I ever had to find an excuse to Photoshop my face on anything, on topic or not? :)

Time said...

Thanks Cherish (blush), but I drove a motorcycle once in my life and that was into a closed gate. I better stick to my pick up. :)

darlingina said...

smiles.... Hats off to Tim! Even though i'm really liking the thought of You wearing a crown. I think it would suit You nicely. :) I'll admit, i do that ball cap thing on occasion when i have to go to the store or something in a hurry and i've not showered or washed my hair.
Hugs, ~gina~