Monday, June 03, 2024

Why buy the cow if the milk is free?


Just because something is free, doesn't mean you are getting a good deal. This is kind of my reaction to free hugs. Technically, hugs are supposed to be free. If you charge for them it seems to be a form of prostitution. Though some people hug for free but there is a price. 

One you have to hug them back (technically) or it gets awkward really quick. And it seems to imply a form of intimacy that you may or may not really want.

I have never really been a hugger. You would think that people would realize this by looking at me. I don't think I look approachable let alone like I like to hug. 

Though a guy walked up to me in Goodwill the other day and asked me if he could ask me a question (which always makes me want to reply that they just did...but this generally complicates the conversation and makes it last longer than I generally care it to). Then he proceeded to show me what appeared to be a Colman Cooler and asked me if I thought it was worth $10.  I was standing in the Knick Knack section trying to find things I could buy and flip so I'm not sure why he thought I would be an expert on coolers. 

I said, "Sure, I think that is a good price. It is a big cooler."  In reality I thought $10 for anything at Goodwill is pushing it. They get the shit for free and their goal is to move merchandize to make way for more merchandize. But I didn't want to disappoint the guy since he seemed enamored with the cooler and I didn't want to get into the merits or shortcomings of buying a cooler from Goodwill knowing someone was getting rid of it for a reason.  

He seemed happy that I thought it was a good deal and then pointed at my t-shirt and said, "It's Saturday." I realized I was wearing my "WHAT DAY IS IT?" t-shirt and people think it is hilarious to tell me what day it is when I wear it. I find it annoying and put it in the same category as stupid small talk. But then I remind myself that I am the one wearing a t-shirt that says, "What Day Is It?"

But boy am I digressing. The guy finally walked away when I started staring at paperweights and glass figurines.

At least the guy didn't try and hug me. 

Anyway, if people greet me and seem like they are huggers but don't read my body language that I am not a hugger, I usually say, "I'm not really a hugger."  You would think this would be a pretty clear signal that I don't want a hug, free or with strings attached. But there are just times where someone starts hugging and peer pressure kicks in. Before you know it you are hugging everyone in the group. 

Fortunately I am savvy enough to make sure my hugs short and sweet. If you linger while hugging someone because of peer pressure, people think you are creepy. So I always make sure the hug is quick and not too tight. If it is a guy I have to hug, I throw in the two-handed back slap to protect our masculinity while trying for a sensitive guy vibe.

Not having to hug people is one of the things I miss about social distancing and the pandemic. 

I threw this one together because pugs rhymes with hugs. I threw in the "THE" so it actually reads "Free the Pugs." I wanted an out in case someone literally thought the person wearing it was giving away free pugs.  Trust me, after all of my years in advertising and marketing I've learned that there are always assholes who will take clever copy literally. 

And finally, I created an inspirational design today based on one I saw on another site that had a picture of a tropical drink in a coconut. It read simply "Sit on a beach, drink from a coconut."

Still want to hug me?

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