Saturday, September 20, 2008

And they call it monkey love...

I was watching the History Channel while using the elliptical machine at the gym today. I'm not sure what program I was watching, but it was about a program Stalin funded to try and cross breed apes and humans to create hybrid army of man-apes with extreme strength. 

 A Soviet scientist went to Africa and tried unsuccessfully to artificially inseminate chimpanzees (talk about spanking your monkey). When that didn't work, he returned to the Soviet Union and tried to use orangutan and gorilla sperm to impregnate human females. 

And thus was born the World Wrestling Federation.

 But seriously, the experiment apparently never worked. Though the Soviets always had a pretty decent team at the Summer Olympics. I thought this was a pretty odd experiment. Even if it had worked, how did the Soviets suppose they were going to train this army of man-apes? And how would anyone take seriously soliders with names like Bobo, Bonzo and Cheetah who were just as likely to spontaneously fling feces at the enemy as throw a grenade at them. 

 The experiment did make me think of the Planet of the Apes movies from back in the 70s. I remember going to a Planet of the Ape marathon back when I was 15. I think I watched five Planet of the Apes films in a row -- Planet of the Apes, Beneath Planet of the Apes, Escape from Planet of the Apes, Conquest of Planet of the Apes and Battle for Planet of the Apes. 

That Roddy McDowell was one underrated actor. I don't admit this very often, but when Escape from Planet of the Apes came out in 1971, I kind of had a crush on one of the chimpanzees --Zira. And when I say a crush on the chimpanzees, I literally mean Zira the character, not Kim Hunter the actress who played Zira. Give me a break, I was 12. 

 Well, enough monkey business.


Anonymous said...

That is just creepy, what kind of women would let someone try to impregnate them with a monkey? Ewww.

Time said...

It was during Stalin's rule so I don't think the women were actually asked.

R. said...

"Monkey Love, you're driving me mad, you're driving me crazy." I'll bet that was the first version before the band talked Steve Miller out of it.

Karen said...

You had a crush on a monkey? I'm not even going to go there.

Time said...

Actually I think it was The Monkeys who did that song.

It was actually a chimpanzee and she was a doctor. But it was just a crush. We never monkeyed around :)