Monday, March 13, 2006

Nine out of ten monarchs recommend a Crest!

In preparation for Knighthood and eventually Kinghood, I have begun to develop a family crest that best represents what the soon to be Sir Tim Edwin, the Fair and Flatulent stands for. Here are three potential Coats of Arms:

1) Three extended fingers stand out on a shield of royal blue, crowned by noble lion donning a gas mask in the face of all enemies.
The symbol of the gas mask floats on a sea of royal blue, crowned once again by a noble lion protected by a holy clothespin as he farts in the general direction of all who would oppose him.
3) A single match burns brightly on a shield of royal blue, crowned a third time by the royal and most flatulent lion wearing a royal gas mask.

I've begun shopping for royal furniture as well. Here's a throne I found in the Knights and Kings Shoppe at Sam's Club's Web site:

I'm picking out some new clothing as well...lots of white satin. Because everyone has heard about Knights in White Satin...


I'm just feeling giddy about becoming a knight.


Anonymous said...

Since Robin Hood had Little John and I am pretty much jockey short perhaps you would consider allowing me to traipse along beside you. (I refuse to stand downwind or behind you.)

Sir Tim Edwin, the Fair and Flatulent and Mickey the Incontinent (Your posts are making things very difficult for me lately.)

Time said...

Okay, Mickey the Incontinent, I was thinking I needed a squire anyway. You sound like you would be Depend-able...get it? Ha, ha, ha...see what you will have to put up with besides having me ask you a hundred times a day to pull my finger? :)

Naughti Biscotti said...

Tim, this is truly some of your best work. I am most impressed. I'm still giggling and shaking my head.

I would like to vote for crest number 1 because the three fingers represents a royal trinity. And #1 is easier to clean up after than #2... and I've never heard of #3 unless that is in reference to your flatulence which is perhaps an attempt at #1 and ending up with a little #2 in your shorts.

Well done Sir.

Time said...

Thank you, Shandi. Did you ever think that every day in Blogging is like the Academy Awards (without the financial rewards and audience). To explain (which pains me) #3, Someone lights a match after passing gas in an attempt to light up the the methane and elminate the odor.

Time said...

Thank you Cherish. It is not everyday someone recognizes that I am an evil genius. My plans are coming to fruition. Once I am knighted, I may have people address me as the dark lord. Say hello to your mother for me!

Time said...

Well thanks for the vote of confidence there Lights. Nattering Naybobs of Negativity aside, I'm very hopeful that the Queen will see my worthiness.

And I'm kind of partial to the first Crest as well. But I will probably add the farting lion from one of the other Crests. It has a more royal air to to speak.

darlingina said...

"All Hail The King"!!! lol... You are nuts Tim. ;o) .... and you too mickey! Too funny. Ty for the giggle. I needed that.

Time said...

Great, now I'm Sir Tim Edwin the fair, flatulent and nuts. :)