Friday, September 03, 2004

I see a pattern here...

Occasionally, I browse through Blogger's list of noteble blogs and then wander through the endless list of blogs that have recently been published (though I never see my blog in either) and I've begun to see a pattern. Blogger's seem to go through 5 stages very similar to the five stages of grief: 1) Denial 2) Anger 3) Bargaining 4) Depression and 5) Acceptance.

We begin by posting our fledgling blogs with our witty reparte and profound wisdom and sitting back to bask in the glory of the masses as we are discovered and thought to be visionary and the funniest thing in the world since Beavis and Butthead left the scene. We wait for a few days for the e-mails and comments and most importantly, the page hits. And nothing. Then we enter that first phase of denial (it's not just a river in Egypt). "It just takes time to be discovered. There are a lot of pages out there and I just need a few people to visit and perceive my comic genius." So, we submit our sites to a few search engines and wait a few more days.

Then we enter that second phase: Anger. "Why is it that the blog about toenail clippings has received 40,000 hits in three days and I've got 3?" So we write blogs about Epinions being the devil. We spew bile at the Web world that has rejected us. We express anger that no one buys our crap on eBay.

But then we take a new approach and enter that third phase: Bargaining. "If I offer people tidbits about my life and free things, they'll read my blogs and link to me." So we write blogs about cutting down trees and offer free firewood. But still, nothing happens. Maybe a few friends drop by and read your blog and mention some obscure thing.

But its not enough and you enter stage 4: depression. "My blogs are not worthy blogs. I was never cut out to be a blogger. After all, I'm not a 17 year old teenaged girl with various piercings. What could I have to say that anyone really wants to hear?" So, you turn away from the blog. But it's still there, waiting patiently, watching and whispering gently, "Come on back, you know you can't stop trying." So you write blogs about mechanical monkeys. Because you've entered, not the Twilight've entered the 5th and final stage: acceptance.

Yes, now you really don't give a rip whether anyone reads your drivel or not. Because, darn it, it's your blog and it's one of the only things in your life that no one gets to edit or suggest how it can be improved.

Personally, I like it that my blog sucks and has no apparently point. It's my pointless blog and that just about says it all.


Lili said...

I actually linked no one to my blog at first. I wrote it for me, and me only (and I still do), and any readers just freaked me the hell out.

Then it happened. One friend looked...then another, then, I'm ok with readers, and I thrive on the modicum of attention. Comments give me a reason to keep looking at the page. Looking at the page inspires me to write.

BTW, the mechanical monkey post was fascinating :D

Lili said...

Oh hey, while we're talking about it, you want I should link you through mine?

Time said...

Lilli, I thank you and the mechanical monkey thanks you for stopping by my humble blog. A link would be great and I will do the same (if I can figure out how to ad one to the main blog page).

BTW: That's quite the pet you have there.

Naughti Biscotti said...

Okay...I'm laughing again!!! Yes, I have fallen in the blog trap. Mine started out only for me. I even had a different title that appealed...again only to me. Then I started reading "next blog". What the hell??? This stupid "over sexed nymph" blog gets 24 comments after she says "Could someone please rub my tummy?" First I'm irritated, then I'm envious, then I'm inspired....Surely I can put my art and witty banter out there...receive hundreds of comments...thus proving there is intelligent readers out there who don't have to be titilated to be amused. Nope, I'm wrong. So then I resort to changing my title and template. Now I'm in the depression phase and consider deleted the entire blog. The only redeeming thing about this whole process is...the few visitors I do get are incredibly gifted as bloggers and I have completely enjoyed reading their blogs. Hence, I find myself here again. Well done....Keep up the great writing.

Time said...

Well, Shandi, I don't think you should ever give up and delete your blog. Step into into the "acceptance" phase. It's not so bad over here. At least we don't have to resort to asking people to rub our tummy's. But what the hey, maybe I should try that and see if my hit counter goes up.