Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Kill your telephone
Okay, I would have started this blog with "Alexander Graham Bell is the Devil" but I've already established that Epinions.com is the devil. I didn't want to cause too much confusion (though I think there is room for more than one devil in the world...but that is another blog). Suffice to say, I think that the telephone is one of the most evil inventions that was ever made.
Oh, Tim-Elvis is just being obsessive compulsive or having paranoid delusions, you say. No, I just hate telephones. I can't stand it when they ring. Now most of you (go ahead and admit it) must answer your phone when it rings, don't you. Not me. That's why the antidote to the phone, the answering machine or voice mail, was invented. It allows those of us who have not succumb to the Pavlavian ring of the telephone to screen our calls. Because the "Do Not Call" list is basically a load of horse pucky, excuse my French. Telemarketers, while not the devil, are basically damned to h-e-double toothpicks. The answering machine short circuits their little plot to come between me and my hard earned money. If I want to throw my money away, I'll just go to eBay, thank you very much. So bless who ever it is that invented the answering machine.
What else do I hate about phones? They rob your voice of any feeling or inflection. They are not quite as bad as e-mail when it comes to being misinterpreted, but they are running a very close second. The term, "What do you mean by that?" originated with the first phone call. That and, "you are breaking up" when the cell phone came along (though this may have been used when the Hindenburg went down, too). Oh, and "I'll call you." Love that one. When? When will you call me? And why? I'm standing in front of you right now. Talk.
Cell phones are the most unholiest of the telephone family. When did it become imperative to have to talk to someone while you are grocery shopping or sitting on the crapper. And take your cute little bell tones and shove them, okay. They have a vibrate mode and it's much less intrusive and a heck of a lot more fun.
So, now you know about my hang ups when it comes to phones (that cracks me up).