Thursday, May 12, 2005

The Rolling Stones are gathering moss

About 24 years ago the Rolling Stones played a concert in Seattle in the King Dome (which has since been imploded to make way for Qwest Field). I was a journalism major and writing a humor column for the college newspaper. All anyone could talk about was the rare opportunity to "SEE THE STONES, MAN!" So I wrote a column about non-conformists and in it I proudly declared that I wasn't going to the Stones concert. AND, I added, I don't even like the Rolling Stones.

You would have thought I'd spit on Mother Theresa. But it was true. I don't like the Rolling Stones. Oh, some of there older stuff was okay and when I was in high school I kind of liked the song "Angie," because it made me think of this girl I had a crush on at the time (though her name was Robin, so I'm not sure what the connection was). I don't get the hype about Mick Jagger. I swear he and Don Knotts are the same person.
Don Knots (left) Mick Jagger (right)
Anyway, you can imagine my annoyance yesterday morning when I see a broadcast of a press conference being held to announce the Rolling Stones are once again going on tour and they will be playing Seattle.

Give me a break. These guys are in their 60s. Can't they just age gracefully and sit in a mansion somewhere with their platinum records on the wall? Must we endure a geriatric Mick Jagger strutting around the stage like a rooster in heat while Keith Richards has a flashback staring at the bright lights and trys to remember what year it is?

It's bad enough that Cher won't stop touring and Neil Diamond is on the road again. And I know Paul McCartney is touring again, but at least the Beatles never sold out and reunited (granted only two of them are left). Can't the Stones simply be content with being part of history.

What's worse is that they are releasing a new album. Jagger is quoted as saying the band will "dig into the catalogue" for this tour and also play songs from its upcoming album. This means we'll have to endure a promo blitz of radio stations playing some crap single they are releasing. It will probably be a duet with Brittany Spears or other crap pop artist to help the band appeal to a "younger" audience.

Not that the younger audience can afford going to their concert. I went online out of curiousity to see how much tickets to their concerts were running. In San Francisco, tickets range from a low of $150 apiece to front row seats at...get this...$5800 each. For $5800 I'd expect to see someone pass a stone, not just four aging Rolling Stones.

I suppose it is human nature to want to continue to hold on to our fleeting youth. Heck, I'd be thrilled if people would fork over $5800 to watch me shuffle across a stage mumbling "Start it up." But one look in the mirror tells me that will never happen.

I've heard some comments that the Stones will keep touring until they are dead. Has someone checked Keith Richards pulse lately?

So, it has all come full circle. Twenty-four years after I wrote it first, I have to say it again. I'm not going to the Rolling Stones concert when they come to Seattle even if someone gave me tickets because I DON'T LIKE THE ROLLING STONES.

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