Thursday, April 01, 2010

App-titude test

Since I basically hate telephones, I am hard pressed to think of any phone as a smart phone. I have a Blackberry, but I am not sure it qualifies as a smart phone anyway. It doesn't seem very smart. The only game I seem to be able to play on it is Brickbreaker and it is just a step above Pong (look it up on Wikipedia).

One thing I hate about smart phones is that they spawned the bastard term "apps" which I am pretty sure is short for "applications." Because you wouldn't want to have to waste your time spitting out those last three syllables saying "applications."

Apps are important to the functionality of a smart phone because they expand the functionality beyond the original purpose of a phone beyond just talking to someone while you are sitting on the john. Apps, usually developed by third party developers who are really just paste eating geeks with way too much time on their hands. These third party developers take something called open source code (which sounds a lot like "open sores code" if it is said too quickly) and create useful apps that allow you to use your smart phone to tell you the temperature in Barcelona even though you live in Buffalo.

The only apps I have on my Blackberry are one that tracks my airline reservations and another that allows me to let any friends who follow me on Foursquare track my whereabouts. If anyone actually followed me on Foursquare they would know when I get on and off the train or go to the gym. Couldn't live without that app.

I don't think it is so much generational that I find apps annoying. I have always prided myself on riding the technology wave. I was the first person in my company to use an IBM PC when they first came out. And I've thrown out more technological advancements than most young people have dreamed about. I just think creating a phone that creates callouses on your thumbs from typing is just wrong.

Don't get me started on texting. I'll use my Blackberry to e-mail, but I draw the line on texting. I saw a commercial this evening for a new phone that uses some new shorthand typing method that allows people to break the Guinness World Record for texting the most amount of text in the least amount of time.

OMG!

Get thee behind me smartphone of the devil!

BTW, can anyone tell me what the hell a 3-G network is and why a 4-G is better (other than it is one more than three). And while you are at it, let me know what a Hemi is on a monster truck?

Sigh...

7 comments:

R. said...

The CPU in your blackberry (depending on model) is 20-40 times faster, has 64 - 1000 times more memory, and displays around 4000 times more colors than your first IBM PC.

If the retards would just provide a VGA/HDMI output adapter to run a monitor or television you could use a lot of these smart phones as a computer at home with a bluetooth keyboard and mouse. Holy digital convergence Batman!

The first time I saw the term "Open Sores" software was in the early 1990's. It was used by trolls fishing for OSS zealots on Usenet.

When my wife was pregnant I bought one of those $20 phones with prepaid minutes. It did not come with a keypad. I was not irritated at the fact that a beautiful reasonably powerful embedded computing platform was being wasted on consumers who only use them to tell their friends that they are taking the dump of their lives while playing a clone of the 1970's Atari Breakout video game.

You don't have Andy Rooney's eyebrows. Nothing a bit of cat hair and spirit gum won't cure.

Time said...

R.
Don't I know it. But although the old IBM's were slower and dumber, at least no one could call you in the John on it.

I was sure you were going to explain what a 3G network was to me.

And by a certain age, everyone gets Andy Rooney's eyebrows. Trust me on this one.

R. said...

Believe it or not, I don't know what 3G and 4G really mean. I have not bothered to learn since I find cell phones distasteful in the same ways as chewing tobacco or shopping with my wife for her daily-purpose underclothes.

K. said...

There is no way I could use my Blackberry as a computer at home, even with a VGA/HDMI output. I can't run flash, for one.

I have my Blackberry attached to my hip, practically. Email, Twitter, Facebook (SocialScope is great for monitoring those two), password locker, Pandora, SparkPeople, chat programs, maps, and the weather app are always running on my phone (much to R's chagrin). Oh, yeah: This is my work phone, so I get work email, server stats, text messages, and other random work info on my phone.

I do wish R would get a cell phone. There have been times it would have been nice to get a hold of him (like when he's late to a family gathering). He'd probably never turn the thing on though. :P

As for 3G vs 4G? From a user standpoint, it's much faster. There are varying technical details of differences, too, but they don't matter so much when you're trying to pull up the Bye Bye, Birdie reprise on YouTube so your child can sing along for the 1,293rd time. You just want the video to load so she can be cute and sing, and then you can try to figure out later why it is she is so attached to THAT song of all songs, when there were so many better songs you listen to EVERY DAY but you listen to that song JUST ONCE and it sticks like glue.

Where was I again? Oh. Faster network.

Time said...

K.
As an IT person you must be enamored of your APPs. It is in your blood. Sorry about Bye Bye Birdie. I have to listen to the Frog and the Princess music non-stop. Though EM does a pretty darn good rendition of it. And I realize 3G and 4G has something to do with speed, but what does it stand for?

K. said...

3G and 4G are Third Generation and Fourth Generation.

Time said...

K.
Thank you! That is hilarious that they make it sound so mysterious and high tech when all it means is the iteration of the network.