Friday, April 02, 2010

A tempest in a crock pot

For some reason this perversion of the phrase "tempest in a teapot" came to me this morning on the train and I was terribly pleased with myself for thinking of something so clever and original. Or course as with most of my clever and original thoughts, my self-absorbed bubble was burst when I did a Google search for the phrase "tempest in a crock pot." Umpteen bloggers and newspaper columnists have been spouting it for several years now.

No offense, but sometimes Google sucks.

Just once I'd like to Google something and find out I am the only one who has thought of it. I had this breakthrough idea awhile back that I'd write a musical version of Dirty Harry. A Google search of course turns up several articles about some guy working on a musical version of Magnum Force, the sequel to Dirty Harry. Personally, I think that is a stupid idea. But Dirty Harry the Musical has Oscar written all over it. It's just a pity that Clint Eastwood couldn't reprise the role with my new vision. No offense Clint, but your best years in front of the camera are past you.

There, I have insulted two icons in one blog post.

After having been thwarted by others already having come up with "tempest in a crock pot," I tried "tempest in a chamber pot." Not as clever as "tempest in a crock pot," but still a bit edgy. Googled it. Been used. Then I tried "tempest in a honey pot" thinking I could capitalize on the Pooh angle (not that far from the chamber pot...pooh...chamber pot, get it). I'll be damned if someone didn't use "tempest in a honey pot." Granted there was only one reference to it so I could probably get away with claiming it was mine.

But Google would know. Google knows everything. Go to Google Earth and they even know where you live and when you put your garbage out.

Think about how nice it was before the Internet existed. You could come up with all these original ideas and feel pretty darned smug thinking they were just your ideas. Millions of people could be blissfully unaware of the other million people who had the same idea.

No offense, but the Internet sucks.

That's three icons dissed on in one post. I'm going to hunker down now and wait for lightening to strike.

4 comments:

R. said...

On "Tempest In A Crock Pot":

I occasionally use the phrase when something is cooking in our crock-pot. It's probably not that uncommon for people with homogeneous public educations to come up with the same amusing phrases.

Even so, what if someone came up with "tempest in a crock pot?" You can still riff off the idea.

Here's mine:

A story about how crockpots are used in meth labs. Low IQ's plus intoxication plus addiction plus highly volatile fumes make for one hell of a tempest.

Fold in the human angle of love lost to drug addiction and the torturous agony of withdrawal, third degree burns and an addict's lonely regret while recovering in a prison hospital.

Add a burned, neglected infant who fights the odds and is adopted to a loving family in the end to provide heart rending inspiration for the reader.

Thread it all together with a crock pot. First the crock pot is being used as a tool of destruction by manufacturing drugs and fueling drug addiction. Last the crock pot is used to bring together a new family. End the tale with the adopting family and their new member saying grace and having pot roast for dinner.

Time said...

R.

You have obviously given crock pots more thought than I have. I had never really thought about them as a metaphor for fall of man. But I imagine they are and the end will sneak up on us at a low temperature rather than a boil.

K. said...

Unfortunately, I tend to find a lot of Microsoft error messages for certain products that Google has never heard of before. I'd like to have Google have a record of every phrase I look up of late. Hmph.

Time said...

R.
I was inspired by your crock pot opus.

K.
Yes, Google is remiss if they can't track every word uttered or thought thunk.