Wednesday, March 23, 2005

The Movie Credits Channel

I was watching a movie channel the other night and the movie ended and the endless credits began rolling and I had an epiphany. Instead of wasting all of that time at the end of each movie on the premium channels running the entire credit list (which I assume is required by some contractual agreement that makes sure you will always know who the third Best Boy assistant and the caterer were in any given film) why not create a channel devoted entirely to running film credits. That way, you wouldn't have to wait so long at the end of the movie to watch the next movie. And, if you have a dying desire to know who the script assistant was in Godfather III you'd simply tune into the Movie Credits Channel.

I have many of these great ideas throughout any given day. That is because I am a visionary. Few people appreciate this so I am sharing it with the blogger world. I figure my idea is pretty safe here, because very few people actually read my blog. That is okay. I'm comfortable with that.

The older I get, the more comfortable I am with many of the inevitable things in life. I accept that my ears have begun to get bigger and that those double chins in my driver's license photo actually exist and are not just caused by bad lighting. I accept that I will never win the lotto or the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. I accept that nothing you eat is good for you and that the only way to long-term weight loss is not to put anything in your mouth. I accept that nothing you buy is as advertised (i.e. Sea Monkeys are not really monkeys). I accept that I am content to watch 4 hours of television a night instead of reading. I accept that I am not nearly as clever as I thought I was when I was 25.

I think these are minor concessions to make in order to take in the big picture I see as a visionary. For instance, I suggested to Tess (she teaches fourth grade) that one of America's economic problems is that we don't have the cheap work force of third world countries. This is why we have all of our tennis shoes and Barbie dolls manufactured in countries like Indonesia. My solution: we have all of these underfunded elementary schools out there chock full of curious little minds anxious to learn a skill. Why not devote a couple of hours a day teaching them to assemble basic consumer goods. Now, I'm not talking soldiering microships or anything (they could learn that in junior high or high school). I'm just suggesting a cottage industry that takes advantage of an existing supply of cheap labor. Shoot, managed correctly, we could turn schools into a real cash cow. Tess didn't think the board of education would buy the idea.

Not everyone is a visionary.

All ideas expressed in Dizgraceland are the sole property of Tim-Elvis and subject to copyright laws written in languages very few people understand. Thou shalt not steal or borrow without asking. I mean it.
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