I was waiting for the train the other morning and I overheard a woman behind me greet an acquaintance at the platform and squeal something to the effect of, "you shouldn't have" when she saw he was bringing a cake to work. The conversation digressed into something about the weather and I was struck at how much I despise "small talk." I'm not big on chatting either. Or chatter, especially when it involves cliches.
There are just certain cliche phrases and mindless statements that set me on edge, so I've made it a practise of trying to counter them with anti-cliches. Here are just a few:
Statement: Working hard, or hardly working.
Response: Yes, kind of like your brain.
Statement: Washing your car? When you are through washing yours, you can wash mine?
Response: Sure, just toss me your keys. How much gas do you have?
Statement: Hot enough for you?
Statement: It could be worse.
Response: Now that you are here, it is.
Statement: This too shall pass.
Response: That's what they said when my dog swallowed my house key.
Statement: Tomorrow is another day.
Response: You said that yesterday.
Statement: When they give you lemons, make lemonade.
Response: But I'm diabetic.
Statement: I used to think it was bad because I had no shoes, and then I met a man with no feet.
Response: Did you ask him if you could have his shoes?
Statement: When one door shuts, another door opens.
Response: Be sure and shut it on your way out.
Statement: Beauty is only skin deep.
Response: Have you considered dermabrasion?
Statement: When it rains, it pours.
Response: And when it snows, it's cold. Any other words of wisdom?
The list is endless, but I think you catch my drift.
Oh, and someday I'm going to buy a bouquet of flowers and when someone asks, "Are those for me," I'm going to say, yes, hand them the flowers and walk away.