Saturday, February 04, 2006

Give us this day, our daily blog...


First, let us bow our heads in prayer:
Our server who art off site,
Hallowed be thy connection.
Thy bandwidth come.
Thy uploads be done,
On the Web as it is via FTP.
Give us this day, our daily blog. And forgive us our comments, As we forgive those who comment against us.
And lead us not into lists, But deliver us from tags.
For thine is the domain, and the URL, and the DSL, for ever and ever. Amen
And Time spake all these words, saying,

I am the blogger, which have brought thee out of the land of the personal journal blog containing way too many photos of household pets and out of the house of bondage (unless of course you are into such things).

Thou shalt read no other blogs before mine.

Thou shalt not consider Time's photo creations as graven images, even though he randomly puts his likeness on anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth

Thou shalt not bow down thyself to other blogs, nor serve them
for I, Time am a jealous blogger, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; and showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and read my blog (as duly logged by my Web counter).

Thou shalt not take the name of Time in vain (or think of him as vain) for Time cries easily, sometimes as a little girl would.

Remember Superbowl Sunday, to keep it holy.

Six days shalt thou blog, and write all thy entries but the seventh day is the Superbowl Sunday of Time's Seahawks; on it thou shalt not do any blogging, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates for in six days Time wrote about heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested on Superbowl Sunday; wherefore the LORD blessed the Seahawks, and had them beat the bejesus out of the Steelers.

Honor thy major sports franchises that thy days may be long upon big screen TV which the major foreign electronics manufacturers selleth thee (but thou shalt not purchase them from WalMart).

Thou shalt not spam.

Thou shalt not commit adultery even in chat rooms or via e-mail.

Thou shalt not steal Time's words or images for they are all protected by copyright laws (and the threat of eternal damnation).

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy other bloggers nor call them "liars, liars pants on fire" regardless of the BS they spew.

Thou shalt not lurk in thy neighbor's blog, thou shalt not lurk in thy neighbor's wife’s blog, his manservant’s blog, nor his maidservant’s blog, nor his ox’s blog, nor his ass’ blog (which seems just wrong anyway), nor flame anything that is posted in thy neighbor's blog unless it is a personal journal blog with lots of photographs of household pets.

I think that just about covers everything. Any questions?

10 comments:

Mickey said...

In the beginning was the Blog, and the Blog was with God, and the Blog was God. Tim-Elvis was with God in the beginning.

The Michael said...

I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!

You forgot the final and most important commandment: Thous shalt link immediately to THE Michael, the God Tim's only begotten son, that thou shalt find favor and be saved from eternal damnation for having read the Buffalo.

Tim ID said...

Mickey, in all honesty, I was a sophmore when he was a senior, but we did go to the same high school.

the michael, I'm sorry, but I'm just telling you what the tablets said. If you have any corrections or additions, you're going to have to take them up with the burning bush.

Lights in the wake said...

Now see, that's why I keep coming here. You've been hittin' them out of the park all week, but this one went out of the park, down the street, across the river, and into the airport where it hopped a plane to New Zealand.
Or, to put it less oddly: that was God damned funny.

littleone said...

and a Hallelujah!! and a "forgive me Tim Elvis for i have sinned".. i donna wanna be led out of the house of bondage..

morningstar

Tim ID said...

Lights, you are a kind and loyal friend. If you didn't live in Bakersfield, I'd invite you over to watch the Superbowl and eat chili.

Tim ID said...

You are forgiven Morningstar. And I left in the bondage loophole (no pun intended) for all of my Telesubbie friends. :)

The Michael said...

Burning bush my ass, it was that aluminum Christmas tree, with the revolving lens stuck on red.

R. said...

So who won? Better yet, who was playing?

cherish said...

You are too funny for words. Thank you I really needed that this morning!