Friday, August 11, 2006

Infinite Monkeys


The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey randomly hitting keys on a keyboard for an infinite amount of time will, according to mathematics, type or create just about any text that has been or will be written. It is popular to assign the monkeys the entire works of Shakespeare (apparently the monkeys get a little pissy if you ask them to tap out the entire works of Stephen King).

But I digress.

It dawned on me today that blogging is nothing but the infinite monkey theorem being put into practice. There is an infinite number of you monkeys out there tapping away randomly at your keyboards in truly what seems to be an infinite number of blogs. And mathematics tells us that sooner or later one of you is going to type out something great. But the bitch is, that it is just dumb luck...er I mean the laws of probibility...that will create the work.

I find this discouraging. In the words of the Elephant Man, "I'm a man, not an animal." I'm just going to come out and lay it on the line: there are too many blogs. Just because you can type and have a computer, doesn't mean you are a writer. I own some pretty sharp knives, but I don't fancy myself a surgeon.

I have known I wanted to be a writer since I was a kid. I took writing classes in junior high and high school. I went to college to BE a writer. I have a JOURNALISM DEGREE. Technically, I am considered a PROFESSIONAL writer. I have spent hundreds of hours writing and getting rejected as PROFESSIONAL writers are supposed to. And then WHAM...the Internet and blogging pops up and all of you monkeys started typing.

If you think I am bitter, you are quite right. I'm here to say, enough is enough. Back away from your keyboards and stop dancing monkeys.
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