Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Wearing many hats


I don't literally wear many hats. I actually have a hard time finding hats that fit. My head is embarrassingly big. It's a wonder I could find a mortarboard that would stay on my head when I graduated from high school and college. Although I joke about it, I don't think my head is big because of my tremendous brain capacity. I inherited my large head from my father. I think I ended up with his ears, too. Those don't make wearing many hats any easier.

Since I don't wear a hat well, it is fortunate that I have a full head of hair. But ironically, if I was bald, hats would likely fit my head better. I will forgo shaving my head to test that theory.

Although I have a hard time finding hats that fit and thus I look very stupid in hats, I seem to own a tremendous number of baseball style caps. Everytime I travel, I end up with a hat that has the name of the place I've been (or some bar in the place I've travelled). I rarely wear these hats.

I have tried to wear cowboy hats. But for some reason the hats always make me look like the Flying Nun. Plus there is not alot of places in the Pacific Northwest where you can wear a cowboy hat. Seattle is more of a fishing cap place. I don't fish.

I was a drum major in high school. We were the Boise Braves. Instead of a drum major's high, furry hat, I wore a full headdress. It fit and looked kind of cool to me, but it wasn't a very practical hat and you couldn't really wear it in the rain without looking a bit like one of those poor birds that has been caught in an oil spill.

When I had long hair, I experimented with bandanas. This did help keeping my hair out of my eyes, but I was overcome with this overwhelming desire to talk like a pirate or ride a Harley. I also got tired of being mistaken for a gypsy.

Football helmets hurt my head. Sweatbands give me headaches. Visors are just wrong. A fez makes me look like I have a pointed head. Tophats have the same effect. I can't keep a sombrero on. Stocking caps mess up my hair and I refuse to wear a foam hat shaped like cheese.

When it comes down to it, I've tried on many hats, but I can wear very few. But my hat is off to those who can carry it off.
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