Sunday, March 26, 2006

Ode to a Leaf Blower that Sucks




MY driveway is covered with seed pods and muck,
My senses, are bound in a mindless funk,
Good thing I have a leaf blower that will suck,
And an extra long extension cord or I'd be sunk:

’Tis all because of my neighbor's tree,
And it's constant dropping of this organic mess,—
That thou, light-winged leaf blower will suck right up,
In some mad and endless cleaning spree
Of sucking and raking, such mindlessness,
And with all of the noise, my neighbors will wonder whazzup.


O, with suction great you sweep the ground,
A flurry of seed pods fly in with some dirt,
All the while making a terrible sound,
Filling the bag, so I must be alert!
O if that tree next door would stop dumping this crap,
I would love to cut it down with a saw or an axe,
Then I'd be inside relaxing not out in the yard,
Sucking up seed pods like some big, dumb sap;
Whoops I sucked up a rock, I shouldn't be so lax,
Oh well, at least it's some exercise, I could get rid of some lard:


Ah, the seed pods are gone, I can stop pitching a fit,
For I have what men with simple leaf blowers never have known,
A leaf blower that sucks really helps quite a bit,
And all I have to do is empty a bag with a groan;
But the wind keeps blowing, so who really cares,
And the seed pods will keep coming until that tree finally dies;
Although I am done for now, I'm still full of sorrow
It's an endless task that feeds my despairs,
When I look here in the morning, I won't believe my eyes,
Because I know the damned seed pods will all be back to-morrow.



4 comments:

The Michael said...

Alright, that does it. Just to demonstrate just how fortunate you really are, Tim, I'm taking the camera out and show you what REAL leaves are. Piles and piles of neverending leaves. HUMONGOUS piles of leaves that must be ALL shredded. I shall humble you and your pathetic little patch of lawn sprinkled with a few measly leaves! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

Unless, of course, you bring me a shrubbery.......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....

cherish said...

Very Nice Tim!!!
I love the pictures and the first one turned out so great. I need to get this program you are using. I could put my brother's head on a bunch of funny stuff and send it to him. Although I believe you have a talent for this software.
Your leaf story made me smile reminding me about one year my next door neighbors raked, bagged, and raked some more. The entire family out working hard in the yard all day long as our family stayed inside relaxing. I live on an Island that is completely flat and when the wind comes it is just amazing sometimes. Well this night it felt as if it the house would blow down. The wind blew from East to West, North to South, West to East, South to North... It was crazy!! Well the next morning when I left for work I could not believe my eyes because I swear every single leaf in our neighborhood was in my neighbors yard. Thanks for reminding me, hehe!!

shandi said...

"I would love to cut it down with a saw or an axe,
Then I'd be inside relaxing not out in the yard."

I feel it necessary to remind you that if indeed you were permitted to cut the tree down you would not find yourself relaxing inside. I have not yet forgotten about your chord of wood incident.

btw: this photo is one of your best. Your head fits perfectly and you have blended the hue and value beautifully. Well done!

Tim ID said...

Michael, Not that it is a competition, but I dealt with the leaves from the tree in the fall. Now I'm dealing with seed pods that cover my driveway and leave stains. I'd say that qualifies as a hardship.

Thanks Cherish, Sometimes I use Photoshop and sometimes I use the software that came with my digital camera. Any program that allows you to work with layers will work. If you have questions about layers, ask Shandi.

Shandi, Fortunately the tree is not on my property and if an accident should befall it, the wood would be someone else's cord to split. And glad you like the picture. Manipulating digital images is a bit like painting I imagine. I learn something new every time.